


All Things Golden and Green

by sparrowshellcat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-19
Updated: 2011-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-21 23:25:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1567793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowshellcat/pseuds/sparrowshellcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jo Harvelle wakes up in the hospital, she discovers she can't quite remember who she is or why she's there. Slowly, she starts to feel more like herself, but she also starts to fall more and more in love with her personal nurse, Jess. But just when her life seems to be going on a definite upswing, she starts to remember disturbing things that she shouldn't remember.</p><p>Jo's now swiftly blossoming relationship with Jess is complicated further by her girlfriend's pregnancy, the bizarre memories of killing demons and fighting with a brother she's fairly sure she doesn't have, and the fact that she seems helpless to fight her desire for the demon Ruby - and her blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For more fic and art, you can follow me on Tumblr! [sparrowshellcat](http://sparrowshellcat.tumblr.com)

  


Jo opened her eyes.

The ceiling was white and cold, sterile and unfeeling. There was a single round light on that ceiling, glaring right down into her light sensitive eyes, not seeming to care that she had a headache and that every muscle in her body felt dead and leaden and lifeless.

Closing her eyes, which felt heavy and sore, for a moment, Jo took a deep breath, then tried to speak:

“Hello?”

There was no response, but that might have been because she was pretty sure she had actually uttered no sound, and sighed softly, considering this problem.

Clearing her throat, which felt sore and useless, she tried again.”Hello?”

This time, there was a soft sound somewhere to her left, and Jo rolled her heavy head that way, trying to see what had caused it. She was surprised to see that she was surrounded by pale mint green curtains, which looked very institutional and sanitary. Almost unnervingly so. The curtain was pulled back, and her still-blurry eyes could make out a woman, dressed in white.

“Oh shit!” the woman gasped, which seemed like an odd reaction, and she backed out again, the curtains falling shut behind her.

Jo blinked at where the woman had been, then struggled to sit up. She couldn’t be vulnerable. Her mother would never forgive her if she let herself get caught in some trap just because she was lying down…

Struggling, she fought her own body to sit, panting when she finally made it up to a seated position, flushed and flustered. It felt like her limbs had been replaced with poor concrete copies that couldn’t hold a single position, and everything ached. Every muscle limp and wet noodle like, she tried to swing her legs off the bed, to try and stand, but it was probably a good thing that there were metal rails on the sides of the bed – which wasn’t really flat, either, but sort of angled at a 50 degree angle or so – and she was unable to actually get her legs past them.

The curtains flicked open again, actually sliding fully open this time, and two women stood there, gaping at her. One was the one she’d seen a moment before, and there was no denying the woman was unashamedly _gaping_ at her.

The other was younger, blonde hair done up in a high ponytail, wearing a pastel blue hospital scrubs.

_I’m in a hospital_ , she finally realized, also realizing simultaneously that this should have been a pretty easy conclusion, what with the curtains and the bed and the needle that was firmly embedded in her right arm.

“You’re awake,” the younger woman said, as though this were a perfectly normal thing to say, smiling at her with a wide, open grin, perfect, straight white teeth neat in her wide grin. “That’s great.”

“Sure.” Jo croaked. “Awake.”

She tried to move forward then, still bound and determined to get out of this bed, but the blond nurse – the one with the smile and the teeth – darted forward to catch her arm, gently pushing her back onto her pillows. “That’s probably not a good idea,” she was explaining, as she was holding Jo down. It didn’t take much effort – she was as weak as a kitten. “You haven’t really been moving around a lot the last little while, and so you aren’t very strong, you see…”

“How long?” Jo croaked.

“Mm? Sorry, what was that, hun?”

“How long?” she said again, trying to raise her voice. “How long as it been? That I haven’t been moving around?”

She hesitated, meeting Jo’s eyes for a moment, then quickly looking away. “Well…”

“How. Long.”

“Seven months,” the nurse murmured, and Jo slumped back against the pillows, willingly, feeling cold.  “I’m sorry,” she continued, though Jo barely understood the words. “You were sleeping for a long time…”

“Coma?” she murmured, pretty sure that was the only reason why a person would be sleeping in a hospital for that period of time.

She nodded. “But your doctor should be telling you this…”

“No.” Jo fumbled for the other woman’s arm, cheeks burning at her helplessness as the woman helpfully placed her hand in Jo’s. She squeezed as tightly as she could, which wasn’t very tightly at all. “No, I want you to tell me everything.”

“There’s a lot to tell, dear.” She murmured, stroking Jo’s feeble fingers gently.

“I don’t care. Tell me.”

Her hand never leaving Jo’s, the nurse – whose name was Jess, apparently – explained how Jo had been brought into the hospital as a Jane Doe seven months ago, bleeding profusely from a dangerous head wound. Doctors had stitched her up, carefully, and Jess assured her that the bald spot that had been created by all that brain surgery and head stitching was now completely hidden by her growing hair. But she hadn’t woken up after the head injury, and while they weren’t sure whether the coma was caused by the trauma itself, or by some reaction to the anesthesia, they did know that she wasn’t waking. Doctors had apparently suggested pulling the plug, an idea that made Jo shudder, but technically, they had been prevented from that by the fact that – except for a feeding tube and a constant iv for fluids – Jo was living perfectly well on her own.

“It’s funny,” Jess laughed softly, fingers still stroking over Jo’s hand, which helped her feel much more solid, and much more like this was real, “We called you Doe, instead of Jane. I guess it was some kind of destiny, since your name rhymes with that.”

Jo smiled faintly. It didn’t seem like destiny to her, it seemed like a dumb coincidence, but at this point, she was happy to accept any comfort from any source.

“Do you know how we can contact your family? I’m sure they’d like to know you’re alive,” Jess said quietly, a few minutes later, and while Jo had to admit that it sounded like a brilliant idea, she wasn’t terribly sure what to do with the advice.

“My family moves a lot,” she murmured. “Well, it’s just my mom and me, anyway. I’m not really sure where I’d find her, and… I’m having trouble remembering her number.”

“Don’t push yourself,” Jess said quickly. “You did suffer a pretty serious head trauma. You don’t want to push too hard and end up doing more damage than its worth. After all, a lot of things in your head got a little muddled up.”

“What happened to me?” she frowned, trying to remembrer.

“They don’t know,” Jess murmured. “Sorry.”

“I remember walking into a house… a dark house,” Jo considered that, trying to think of what she had been doing, and had a flash of memory of a large black beast. Pointed nose, laid back ears, claws like talons – _werewolf._ “I was hunt – I mean… I don’t really remember why I was there.” _Flashes of black, flashes of red, flashes of white light as she fired, hitting it in the shoulder, the chest. The wolf staggered, she brought up the gun again to fire at its forehead, remove head from heart_. “I think I was distracted by something in front of me, and something hit me. From behind.” _Snatches of laughter. Glimpses of light_. “And then I woke up here.”

“Wow,” she murmured. “No idea who did it to you?”

She shook her head, staring into the space over the nurse’s shoulder at the windows she could see nothing but grey skies out of, trying to place details. Had she been alone? Had the _werewolf_ been alone? Where had her mother been?

“Well, if you remember, let me know. We can tell the police – the statute of limitations shouldn’t have run out on this… I think you could maybe get them on attempted murder.”

Ironic, really, since Jo was pretty sure she’d gotten into this mess this while trying to murder someone else.

“I’ll let you know,” she murmured, nodding.

“Tired?” Jess guessed.

“Yeah. I just woke up, too.” Jo joked, lamely, flushed.

Her nurse laughed, merrily, those white teeth bared as she flashed that broad smile again, as though she was genuinely happy to hear what it was Jo was saying, as though she truly believed Jo to be clever and funny. It was a nice smile. It made her feel important. “Your body is so used to sleeping, it might take a while for it to be used to being awake again.”

“….but I just woke up.” Jo murmured. “I won’t… fall back into a coma again, will I?”

“Unlikely.” She joked, wiggling her brows, but at seeing Jo’s rather horrified expression, Jess amended quickly, “You shouldn’t. We’ll be keeping an eye on you, to make sure that you don’t, but your vitals are all stable, and physically, you are well. Your body just needed time to let your mind catch up to your body in terms of healing before you could wake, so… you should be fine, now. If you’d like, I can stay here until you fall asleep?”

Jo hesitated, then nodded. “I would.”

“All right,” she shifted her chair closer to the bed, and leaned on it to settle in. “You just sleep, then. Relax. When you wake up tomorrow, we can see what we can do about getting you something to eat.”

Her stomach grumbled slightly, and Jo groaned. “That sounds great.”

“I thought it might,” she laughed.

\---

“Eat it slowly,” Jess ordered, reaching up to catch Jo’s elbow, holding it steady as the younger woman struggled to lift the spoon to her mouth. “Your throat isn’t used to working, so it might not be so pleased that your shoving things down it at first.”

“It’s oatmeal,” she griped, awkwardly eating some, and managing to spill more of it down the front of her dressing gown. “Damnation!”

The nurse smirked, and offered, “I can help?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she muttered, feeling helpless and useless without even this simple skill to call her own. Jo hadn’t struggled to feed herself since she was a child, so why should she be plagued with this now that she was an adult? It hardly seemed fair.

Jess carefully scooped a little of the goopy oatmeal – brown and crystalized in spots from the generous spoonfuls of brown sugar she had scooped onto it for her – and held her hand under it as she held the spoon to Jo’s lips. Eating like this, she was able to carefully swallow the lukewarm mixture, and nodded in relief. “Good,” she murmured, helping her to eat until the bowl was all but empty. “Feeling full?”

“Yes and no,” Jo smiled faintly, sheepishly. “Thirsty.”

“Ah, well, you get a great choice for that,” Jess laughed, teasing a little as she held up two cardboard drink boxes. The teasing made Jo feel better, more relaxed. “Delicious delicious pulpless orange juice, or delicious delicious white skim milk.”

“No apple or chocolate?” she joked back, weakly.

“Nope, this is a new dictatorship, we don’t believe in chocolate,” she laughed.

“Well, in that case,” Jo smirked, “I’m going back to sleep. In my dreams there is chocolate.”

Jess laughed, brightly, and Jo couldn’t help but grin. It was a comforting sound of merriment and joy. A nice break from the heavy, cloying, solitary silence she vaguely remembered from before. “Sounds like you had some nice dreams while you were sleeping, then.”

“Guess I confirm that people in comas do dream,” she smiled.

“Did you?” Jess asked, suddenly, softly.

She hesitated. “Sort of. I think. It was strange, kind of heavy. I have moments that I think must have been dreams, but there are moments that I think I remember… the sound of a television. Needles in my stomach.”

The other nodded. “You get a needle, every two hours. To make sure that there are no blood clots.”

“Really?” she frowned, considering that. “Well, I sort of seem to remember those. I didn’t like them.”

Jess laughed. “Honestly, I don’t know anyone that does.”

Laughing softly, she considered that. “I can remember the smell of food, and sometimes people talking, though I don’t know what they were saying.”

“Could have been anything,” she considered that. “There are a few people in this ward. Palative care.”

“Where people go to die,” Jo murmured.

“Not you, though,” Jess said quickly. “Look at you. All ready to decide on orange juice or milk!”

She snorted, then touched her nose, surprised. That had hurt a little, but she supposed that her nose wasn’t really used to _breathing_ lately, much less snorting. “Um… orange juice. I miss fruit.”

“You’re doing beautifully, Jo, keep going, come on…”

Teeth grit tightly, Jo gripped as tightly as she could to the handles of the metal and rubber monstrosity she was trying to push in front of her – apparently. Her knuckles were white and there was sweat beading on her brow, but she felt slow and impossibly stilted as she struggled to move forward. Her feet didn’t seem to want cooperate, and so she just sort of pushed them forward on the tiled floor with a leathery slithering sound instead of just lifting her feet like she would have normally.

Jess was pressing against her back, one arm wrapped around Jo’s too-thin waist, holding her up and back against her chest, her other hand on the walker itself as she kept up a steady litany of encouragement. It wasn’t that Jo didn’t appreciate the help – she did – but it was distracting.

“I need a minute,” she panted, having enough difficulty staying upright.

Nodding, the other paused, just holding Jo as she leaned back into her, eyes closing. Leaning into Jess was leaning into the soft smell of baby powder and vanilla, it was leaning back into warmth and softness. “Let me know if you need to sit.”

“No, standing is okay.” She murmured. “Just don’t drop me.”

“Promise.” Jess murmured. “I will never let you down, Jo.”

“Sweet of you to say.” She panted, liking the sounds of that. Her feet were warm in the blue, slightly battered fuzzy slippers she wore, a glow in the dark moon and star on the toe of each.

“That makes them easier to find,” Jess had explained as she had knelt in front of Jo earlier to slide her feet into them. “That’s why I like them. They’ll keep you warm.”

Why her nurse was letting her wear _her_ slippers, Jo wasn’t really sure.

“Still okay?” Jess murmured, and Jo tried to concentrate of just the warm, heavy feeling of the other woman’s arm wrapped around her waist, the soft gentle feeling of the other’s air ruffling her hair. Her breath smelled like mint, clean and fresh. It was the same scent as the mints that Jess had been mischievously smuggling to Jo. She had been starving all the time, craving sugar. Jess supplied. Jo didn’t want to think about the other patients, the smell of the antiseptic and medication beyond the soft smell of mint and baby powder.

“Mmhmm.” She murmured. “Ready to walk again.”

\---

“ _I asked, weren’t we taking the pistol, or anyhow the long, murderous-looking pike which has hung across our broad kitchen chimney ever since I can remember? I was disappointed when my father whispered, ‘No,’ and more than disappointed – in fact, I felt mad – when Tom said, in that sneering superior way that elder brothers have: ‘What do you think this is, kid – a raid against the Scots? Or do you fancy you’re marching against the Spaniards?’.”_

Jo leaned back in the stiff, typical hospital styled arm chair, hands folded over her stomach, eyes closed. Focused and intent, she let Jess’ voice wash over her like a wave would wash over a pebble at the beach, wearing off all the sharp edges, smoothing it. The gentle, soothing tones of Jess’ voice made Jo feel like a smooth, washed pebble, worn and eased and calmed.

Other nurses had tried to get her to work on her recovery. Sandra had tried to get her to walk. Tabatha had tried to read to her, just like this. Nicole had offered to help her eat. Worst was when Allison had tried to give her sponge bath.

In every instance, Jo had refused, feigning sleep, fatigue, nausea. She wasn’t afraid to admit that she had pretended to be violently ill in the bathroom when she had felt perfectly fine.

She just didn’t feel _safe_ if it wasn’t Jess’ soothing voice giving the orders, if it wasn’t her genuine smile behind the actions.

“Jo? Are you asleep?”

Startled out of her introspection, she blinked, reaching up to rub her eyes. “Sorry, did you say something?”

Jess laughed softly, closing the book, carefully, and reaching forward to pat Jo’s hand. “The police are here. Are you up to talking to them?”

Jo glanced to the door, startled, surprised to see two uniformed men standing there, shifting slightly awkwardly, as though they weren’t entirely sure if they were comfortable being there. Her free hand pressed hard against the chair seat, and Jo almost flung herself out of the chair to try and flee when she remembered what Jess had said, earlier, about statute of limitations and attempted murder. They weren’t here to accuse her of anything. They were here to ask if she had any idea of who had done this to her.

She hesitated, and nodded.

“All right,” Jess nodded. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, when they’re done.”

Jo watched the nurse leave, biting her lip. She wanted to just ask Jess to stay, to keep her company, but she didn’t really have that option. After all, she was just her nurse. Well, Jo would like to think that Jess was more than just her nurse – her friend, even. But even so, she didn’t have the right to ask her to sit with her while the police interviewed her. Maybe if she’d been her friend longer, or more than a friend, but…

She sighed softly, squirming back into her pillows, watching the officers as they pulled the armchairs up to hers, awkwardly, sitting down. “Hi,” she said softly.

“Hello. Jo Harvelle, is it?” The first officer smiled at her. He was almost too-good looking to be real, one of those types you see in the movies and wonder if maybe they had to have surgery to look that good, or if their parents really had produced someone with that perfect of bone structure. He smiled like she had nothing to worry about, but there was a darkness in his eyes that said he’d seen more than his age suggested he should have. It was a look she’d seen before in hunters. “I’m Detective Ulrich, this is Detective Hetfield.”

She glanced at Hetfield, bit of a baby face compared to his partner, too-long for regulation hair brushed back to try and match dress code. He smiled, though looked less smooth and confident than his partner.

“Yeah. Jo,” she nodded, trying to figure out why she felt like she’d seen these men before.

“The nurse told us that you haven’t yet managed to make contact with your family?” Ulrich asked, considering her, tapping his pen on his pad a little. “A mother, correct?”

Hesitating, she nodded. “Ellen.”

“And a brother, what was his name… Ash, was it?” Hetfield spoke up.

“Yes,” she nodded, squirming in her chair, uncomfortable and awkward. This all seemed sort of strange, like a repeat of a conversation she had had once before. “I’m afraid I don’t really remember anything.”

“We understand,” Ulrich said quickly, disarmingly. “Any little details you might remember from the night you were attacked might help us figure out who did this to you, if you can remember anything? Even the littlest thing you might think of. Insignificant, even.”

She hesitated. “I was in a house… it was dark, and cold. I think it might have been abandoned.”

“Do you remember any features? Long abandoned, or recent?” Hetfield asked, dark eyes somber as he considered her.

Jo blinked. “I don’t know.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Ulrich said quickly, smiling at her again. It was a disarming smile, but it made her nervous still. It was a lady killer smile. “Do you remember seeing anyone?”

“There was a woman…” she murmured. “I think. I remember smelling perfume.”

“Well, that’s a start,” he frowned, considering that.

“Do you remember the attack itself?” Hetfield pushed a little, smiling earnestly. “Did the attacker show themselves to you at any point?”

Jo hesitated, frowning as she tried to remember. As before, all she could remember was the werewolf, moving through the old living room of the home, curtains shifting in the wind from the open windows. The moon was shining through the windows, and she had her rifle in her arms, the butt pressed into the crook of her shoulder, finger ready on the trigger, padding across the carpet, trying to be as soundless as possible. Then there was a shift in the room behind her, and she’d spun, some _thing_ with yellow eyes behind her, was it another wolf?, and there was a crack on the back of her head…

“What are you doing to her?!”

There was a woman screaming somewhere, but even over the sound, Jo could hear the familiar voice of her nurse yelling.

Jess barreled into the room, pushing her way between the two officers to pull Jo forward on the chair, holding the other woman’s head against her chest, murmuring softly. For a moment, Jo couldn’t even figure out why Jess was doing this until she realized that the woman screaming was herself. Curling into the woman, she tried to stop, but it was like someone had flicked a switch in her mind, and she couldn’t stop screaming.

“That’s enough questions!” she snapped at the detectives. “I’ll have her call you if she remembers anything, but I can’t let you interview her like this!”

Ulrich nodded, quickly. “Of course, sorry, we’ll leave our card at the nurse’s station.”

Jess glowered at them as they left, gently stroking Jo’s blonde waves, trying to comfort her, trying to quiet the screams. “It’s okay,” she said gently, “It’s all over. There’s nothing here now, no one can hurt you. You’re safe with me, Jo.”

\---

“Soon, you’ll be feeling well enough for a real shower,” Jess smiled, setting the bowl and the towels on the little bedside table. Steam was rising lazily out of the bowl, and she dipped one of the washcloths in it. “But until then, I guess you’re going to have to put up with me.”

Jo laughed softly, unsnapping the little snaps on the shoulders of her gown. “I feel well enough to shower, just not well enough to not fall over when I get lightheaded.”

Her nurse laughed softly, and rounded the bed to untie the little ties in the back. “You want to keep this on for modesty, or…?”

She hesitated, considering the taller woman. Jess was smiling softly, disarmingly. And yes, she trusted her, and yes, she smiled at her in a way that made her insides feel warm and slightly mushy, so yeah, Jess’ smile made her feel bold, and bravery made her do stupid things. So she tugged off her gown completely, handing it to the nurse, cheeks flushed and pink. “I needed a clean one anyway.”

“You did,” she smiled, setting the balled up gown on the end of the bed.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Jo murmured.

“Not at all,” she beamed, scrubbing one of the little hard yellow soap bars on the washcloth, then began carefully washing Jo’s back and shoulders. “Sorry, this soap is pretty terrible. Maybe I should bring some of my body wash from home for you, it’s much nicer. Vanilla scented, I think you’d like it.”

“I do like vanilla,” she murmured, eyes closed, relaxing. “This doesn’t feel bad, though.”

“It just would be nicer with better soap.” She laughed softly, still washing her back, sliding the cloth down her spine, to scrub Jo’s lower back. “This stuff, I’m afraid, might dry out your skin. And considering how long you’ve been asleep, you have remarkably nice skin. Very soft and clear.”

Jo giggled, glancing over her shoulder at Jess. “I betcha you say that to all the patients you give sponge baths to.”

Jess laughed, amused. “I don’t give many. And when I do, my patients aren’t usually quite so pretty or young. Most times they’re old and wrinkly… you’re a million times different.”

She flushed. “Pretty, hm?”

“A girl notices what she notices,” She grinned, considering Jo’s hair. “You think you’re up to washing your hair?”

She hesitated. “I’d like my hair to be clean…”

“I’ve been cleaning it for you, since you got here, so I can promise I’m pretty good at it,” Jess laughed softly, smiling.

“Really?” Jo considered her, flushed at the idea.

“You have nice hair,” she smiled. “Longer than it was when you got here. It looks nice.”

“Could use a trim,” she considered that, tugging a lock of her hair forward, considering her split ends. “It could definitely use a trim. I don’t suppose there’s a hairdresser at this hospital, is there? I’d like it to be cleaned up a little.”

“No hairdresser, but I could trim it up a little for you… I’ve done some quick trims on my friends before.”

“Yeah?” she smiled. “Got scissors on you?”

“No,” Jess laughed, “But I might be able to arrange some. You have a lot of scars, Jo… what happened to you?”

“I dunno, which scar are you talking about?” she flushed, embarrassed.

The other woman’s fingers brushed a scar on the side of Jo’s neck, and she shivered, biting her lip. “It’s quite the wound, from the looks of it. Like a knife wound, maybe.”

She frowned, trying to remember it.

_Sam, with an evil look in his eyes, spewing hate and vile insults as he taunted her, lazily sliding the massive hunting knife across her skin, licking up her blood like a rare treat_ …

“Jo! Jo!”

Starting back to herself, she blinked, confused. Jess was cupping her face in her hands, her fingers soft and gentle on her cheeks, eyes worried and concerned. “Jo… are you all right? You’re shaking like a leaf.”

“I – “ she hesitated, blinking. “I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay,” she whispered softly, stroking her jaw and neck, trying to calm her. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay,” she murmured. “Remembering is important….”

“Not if this is what happens to you.” Jess said firmly, and pressed her forehead to Jo’s for a moment. “Listen to me. Let’s make a deal.”

“Deal?” she murmured.

“Yeah. A deal.” She leaned back so that she could meet Jo’s eyes, earnest and serious. “We’re going to pretend your past never happened. Ever. Instead, we’re gonna focus on the future. We’ll focus on making a new history for you. A new life, a new identity, if we have to. Someday in the future, when you’re feeling better, maybe you can focus then on getting your memories back, but for now, let’s forget that. Just focus on the future.”

“But in the future I’m alone,” she murmured.

“Of course not.” She smiled. “You have friends in the future. I’m your friend, aren’t I?”

Jo flushed. “Yeah…”

“So we make a deal. You and me will make you some new memories.”

She giggled, flushed. “Sounds like you’re asking me on a date.”

“Sure, why not.” Jess grinned. “Want to join me in the cafeteria tonight, after we get you all washed up? I’ll push your wheelchair and all.”

Biting her lip, she murmured, “How about I walk, instead? I need the exercise.”

“Sure,” laughing, the nurse nodded, and rounded the bed again, dipping a clean washcloth in the water, and began scrubbing Jo down again, gently. “I support that idea. And I’ll even manage to find you a clean dressing gown. How ‘bout a nice powder blue? I think it’d bring out those deep browns of yours. And these days, it’s things like that we need around here.”

Jo laughed. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“I have no idea. It was funny though, wasn’t it?” she giggled, ruffling Jo’s hair.

An hour later, dressed in the suggested powder blue hospital gown – with a pale yellow dressing gown over it – Jo walked slowly into the cafeteria, white knuckled hands gripping the handles of her walker tightly, fuzzy slippers whispering across the floor. Jess walked beside her, a hand lightly resting on her shoulder to make sure that Jo’s balance was steady.

“You know, considering this is a hospital cafeteria, it actually smells pretty good,” Jo smiled slightly.

“That’s because you were on a feeding tube for months,” Jess laughed softly. “I think almost anything would taste wonderful to you. Even Taco Bell.”

“Oooh… I could really go for some Taco Bell right now…” she groaned.

Laughing, Jess helped her to a table, and helped the woman sit. “How about I get you hospital grade mashed potatoes and chicken breasts instead? Salad or anything?”

“Sure, I like salad,” she agreed. “And jell-o, if they have it.”

“You think you’d be sick of jell-o by now,” Jess laughed, smiling at her. “The amount of it they’ve made you eat.”

“I’ve developed an unhealthy addiction.” She smirked.

“I’ll say, let’s see what we can get.”

[Part 2  
](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/37279.html)  
 

 

  



	2. Chapter 2

  
  


“What’re you looking at?”

Jo looked up, smiling softly. “Hello, Jess.”

Sitting beside her on the plastic cushioned bench, the nurse tucked a loose curl behind her ear, looking out the window with her. “What exactly are you looking for?”

“Nothing, really.” She admitted, considering the view.

“I don’t see the walker,” Jess smiled softly.

“I didn’t use it,” she beamed, pleased. “I actually managed to walk out here all by myself. Slowly. With a hand on the wall. But I managed to do it, so that’s a good start, isn’t it?”

“Very good. There’s been some talk that you’re almost ready to leave the hospital.”

Jo perked up a little. “Really?”

“Mmhmm.” Jess smiled. “I imagine you’re anxious to get out of here, go see the world again. See what it is that you’ve been missing in here. And I’d like to show you it.”

“Sure you do,” she smiled, leaning on Jess’ shoulder a little, sighing softly.

“I sure do,” she smirked, looping her arm around Jo’s shoulders, fingers idly brushing her shoulder. “I’ve been thinking, actually.”

“What a terrifying idea,” Jo wisecracked, dryly.

She snorted, and continued anyway, “Look, they’re going to let you out of the hospital soon, and I imagine you don’t exactly know where you’re going, since we still haven’t been able to find your family.”

“Yeah,” she admitted.

“So I was thinking. Why not come stay with me for awhile?”

Jo blinked. “…stay with you?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got this big empty apartment all to myself… my boyfriend left, three months ago, you see, and I could use some company.”

“Boyfriend?” she repeated, a little surprised at how disappointed she felt at the idea of Jess having a boyfriend.

“Ex. Very ex. He disappeared in the middle of the night… I’ve got half a mind to swear off men forever. Again.”

“Again?” she repeated, amused by the idea.

“Last year of high school, I had this boyfriend. He was an ass, real tough guy bigshot type, you know the kind, the ones that think they’re god’s gift to women?”

She nodded, understanding the type perfectly.

She thought.

Maybe.

“Well, I tried to change him, tried to make him into the affectionate boyfriend I was dreaming of… but he just got worse and worse, pushing more and more for sex…. Finally I swore off men entirely, and decided to be a lesbian instead. Then I met my ex, and… he was a sweet man. Kind of a bumbling idiot sometimes, but sweet. He went on a hunting trip with his brother one weekend, then there was a fire, and he never came home. I don’t even think they _were_ going hunting. I think he just wanted an excuse.” She sighed, frustrated. “And now… well, that’s not the point.”

“Now?” Jo murmured.

“Not an issue yet,” she laughed softly. “May not even be an issue. So… do you want to move in?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she nodded, eagerly.

“It’s only a one bedroom… but I do have a pull out couch in my room, if you don’t mind sharing a bedroom. I figure it’s not much different than the rooms here, only no curtains between the beds, and it’s a little nicer decorated.”

Jo laughed, leaning on her, snuggling a little closer into the other’s shoulder. “Sounds like you have a big room, to have a pull out _and_ a bed.”

“It’s a nice apartment,” Jess agreed.

“I’d be happy to move in with you. Maybe I can help cook, or clean, or… something.” She shrugged, considering how she was going to have to ward the apartment. Salt at the windows and doorframes, Solomon seals under the rugs… she’d have to find a way to hide it. Hard to explain to others. “Since I have no money to help you out with…”

“That sounds great,” she nodded.

Considering the small grassy patch below the window, Jo frowned.

“Is something wrong?”

“Who’s out there?” she motioned to the pair sitting with their backs to them on the little bench, below the apple tree. One was a woman in several layers of warm clothing, and the other was a man in black with a white collar.

“One of the patients, and a local chaplain. He comes to visit those who are doing poorly, or… just want to speak to a priest.”

“He looks familiar,” Jo murmured.

“Really?” Jess shifted forward, frowning. “How so?”

“I dunno, I can’t see his face properly, to see…”

As though he heard her, the man turned, looking towards the parking lot, in full profile.

Jo gasped, startled at the familiar profile – gruff and rugged, like the kind of man that could kill you easily, but probably wouldn’t. A profile she vaguely recalled seeing as a child, then again as an adult.

“John Winchester,” she breathed. “That’s _John Winchester_. But he’s – “

“He’s…” Jess prompted, looking confused.

“ _Dead_.”

\---

There was a soft rapping on Jo’s room door, and she sat up, quickly shoving the magazine that Jess had brought for her aside.

The man she’d seen before was standing in the door, smiling softly. He was tall and strong looking, dressed all in black except for a white clerical collar, Bible tucked under his arm, and asked, softly, “May I come in?”

“Yes! I – yes, of course.” She shifted forward, frowning.

“Hello,” he offered his right hand. “I’m Father John Winchester.”

“You _are_ John Winchester,” she gasped, taking his hand, automatically, then said, quickly, “ _Christo_.”

He looked a little confused. “Not the usual response…”

“Sorry,” she flushed, relieved that his eyes didn’t blacken. “I… sorry, you just… maybe I’m remembering things wrong, I just… you _are_ John Winchester, right?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“And… do you… I guess you don’t have sons, do you?”

“Oh, no. I have sons.”

She blinked, eyes widening, a cold chill running through her. “You do?”

“Many. Many sons and many daughters in my parish… I am, after all, their father.” He smiled, eyes crinkling slightly. “No biological sons, however. I’ve been pretty loyal to my vows.”

Jo flushed, considering that. “Oh, well… maybe I’m remembering things wrong, but… I knew your name…”

“Well, I did come to visit you while you were sleeping.”

She blinked. “…you did?”

He nodded. “When they found you, you had a few blessed medals… Saint Christopher, Mother Mary… the nurses thought you might be Catholic, so I came to see you. Actually gave you last rites,” he admitted. “We were afraid you might not live through the surgery.”

“Oh… maybe that’s why I remember you…” she murmured, confused.

“Are you all right, my dear?”

“I – yes, I just… I’m starting to think my memories got all muddled up.” She frowned. “…I could have sworn that… that you were a man that killed demons.”

Father John laughed, amused. “Well, in a way, a priest does that.”

“Not quite the way I meant.” She smiled. “Do you… actually hunt demons? Track them down and perform exorcisms?”

“No… I’m not really the demon hunting exorcist type of priest.” Father John smiled, patting her hand. “I leave that to the young priests who want to sensationalize the Catholic Church. The Buddy Christ types. I focus on the retrieving of lost lambs, lost souls.”

“…still sounds like the John Winchester I remember,” she murmured, softly.

\---

“Wow,” she murmured, setting her little, tiny bag of stuff on the floor inside Jess’ front door, considering the room. “It’s beautiful.”

The apartment was done in dark wood, paneling everywhere, with white ceramic vases and statues to accent the darkness, along with off white couches and rugs. The windows were big and framed with light, airy white curtains, making the space seem even bigger.

“Thank you,” Jess smiled. “I admit to having help with the decorating… it’s a pretty masculine apartment, isn’t it?”

“It’s classy,” she grinned.

“Thanks,” she laughed, and said, “Would you like to see the rest?”

“Please,” she nodded.

Smiling, Jess led the still-slowly walking Jo around the apartment, showing her the kitchen, the bathroom, then finally the bedroom. “The pull out’s over there… I know it’s kind of old, but…”

Jo hesitated, and sat on the edge of Jess’ large bed. “Okay.”

“You all right?” she asked, softly.

“Yeah… it’s just a little overwhelming. I mean… it’s just… all different.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jess settled on the bed beside her, looping her arm around the other woman, tugging Jo a little closer so that the shorter woman’s head rested on her shoulder. “A lot of things have changed, it’s hard. I’ll try to make it as easy as I can, I promise. We made a deal to make a nice set of new memories, remember?”

“Yeah.” She smiled softly. “I do.”

\---

“Jo…”

Cracking her eyes open slowly, Jo blinked up at the other woman, yawning. “…morning.”

Jess laughed softly, sitting on the edge of the slightly rickety bed, brushing blond curls off the other’s face, smiling. “How are you doing this morning, hun?”

“Sleepy,” she murmured, smiling.

“I thought maybe,” she laughed softly, still playing with Jo’s hair. “But I have to go to work, you see, so I thought before I did, I ought to get you fed, ready to spend the day without me.”

She sighed softly, pouting a little. “I don’t want to spend the day alone.”

“I know. Which is why I figured you might want to know where the food and the television and stuff are. And I brought you breakfast in bed.” She grinned.

“Really?” Jo blinked.

“Yep,” she smiled, and reached forward to tug a tray off the little side table, and set it on her lap as she squirmed to sit properly on the bed beside Jo. “I made pancakes. You like pancakes?”

“I think so,” she smiled, sitting up properly, and carefully tugged the tray into her own lap, digging in, carefully. “So what time will you be home?”

“About six. I’ll make dinner when I come home, you don’t have to worry about that. You’ll only have to worry about lunch… which should be easy, since I made you some sandwiches and soup, they’re in the fridge, all wrapped up. You’ll just need to microwave it, okay?”

Jo nodded.

“There’s a walker in the hall closet,” she smiled, brushing Jo’s hair back. “In case you need it.”

“I’ll do my best not to,” she smiled up at her, pleased.

“Good girl,” Jess smiled, pleased, still stroking Jo’s hair. “You can take a shower or a bath if you want to, but be careful. I won’t be home until this evening to pick you up if you slip.”

She giggled. “Don’t trust me, do you?”

“I trust you, I just worry,” she laughed. “I wouldn’t want my friend to get hurt when I wasn’t there to help her, okay?”

Jo smiled up at her. “I like you too.”

She laughed softly, smiling.

“I think we need to get you some more clothes though… the hospital chic look isn’t so hot.”

Jo giggled, tugging out the collar of the t-shirt she wore. “This is yours, not the lovely hospital gowns anymore remember?”

“True, but I’m a lot taller and broader than you.”

She laughed, beaming up at her. “You are _not_ broader!”

“I have broader shoulders,” she laughed, amused, ruffling Jo’s hair, catching the tray when Jo tried to roll away from her, amused, and set the tray back on the little table, carefully. “Heh… you _are_ adorable, aren’t you?”

Squealing, amused, Jo tried to get away from the tickling fingers.

Laughing, Jess chased after her, hands squirming right up under her shirt as she tickled her all over, laughing eagerly as Jo squealed and writhed under her, chocolate coloured eyes squeezed tightly shut as she kicked and wriggled, breathless. “Ah! Stop! No tickling!”

“Okay,” Jess laughed, and tugged Jo’s shirt up to just under her breasts, raspberrying her stomach.

Jo squealed with laughter, kicking at the air as tears ran down her cheeks.

Smirking, Jess finally sat back a little, grinning at her.

“Hoo… breathing…” Jo croaked, panting. “Wow. That was… like a work out.”

Jess laughed softly, and ran her fingers over Jo’s stomach, lightly, fingertips just brushing over the skin. “You have a lot of old scars,” she murmured.

“I thought we weren’t talking about the old scars.” Jo panted, smiling at her.

“We’re not,” she smiled softly. “We’re just noticing that you have an old scar. Look kind of like you were bitten by some really big dogs at some point. Kind of tore up your stomach.”

Jo shuddered. “….what?”

“Never mind. Happy things.” She said quickly, spreading her hands across Jo’s stomach, covering the scars, stark white against creamy pale skin. “We’re focusing on happy things instead. Like getting you some clothes, and getting you well. You’re doing a lot better, now. I mean, look at you wriggling all over this bed.”

“Sounds dirty,” she giggled, flushed.

Jess wriggled her brows. “Well, _I’ve_ sworn off men… have you?”

Jo giggled. “No idea.”

“Maybe you should investigate that,” Jess smirked.

“I’ll ponder it while you’re at work today,” Jo smiled, reaching up to tuck some of Jess’ loose curls behind the other woman’s ears, smiling softly. “Though I can already tell you I think you’re beautiful, and wonderful, and kind, and… I am very grateful for you.”

“Sounds like the swearing off men is a moot point anyway,” Jess smiled softly.

She giggled, flushed.

“Mmm… I’d like to explore this a little more, but I really _do_ need to get going to work.” She sighed. “You gonna be okay on your own?”

Jo nodded, smiling up at her, hands on her stomach, on top of Jess’ hands.

“All right. Now.” She leaned closer, and kissed Jo’s forehead, right between her brows. “Have fun without me.”

“Impossible.”

\---

Padding barefoot around the hardwood floored apartment, Jo moved faster than she had been, but she was still slow. She was frustrated with all this slow movement, but at least she _was_ getting better.

Kneeling near the front door, she carefully laid the clear packing tape across the salt line she had made on the floor, sealing it in so it would never be broken. Finished with that, she carefully shifted the rug back over the salt line, and stood, carefully, wincing. It hurt to stand still, if only because her back and legs were still weak. Seven months sleeping could apparently do that to a person. Standing up to look around the apartment, she grinned, pleased. She had managed to get salt laid everywhere now, which made her feel a _lot_ better.

Sighing softly, she padded to the kitchen, setting the tape back in the utility drawer, then hesitated before grabbing the phone.

She’d lied to the police. She remembered her mother’s phone number. She remembered dozens of her mother’s phone numbers. She knew Ash’s numbers, she knew Bobby’s… but she also had no idea what she would find if she tried to call them. The hunters life was not exactly a normal one, or a safe one, and if she called them after seven months in a coma… god, her mother would probably try to figure out if she was a zombie.

Jo chewed on her lip for a few moments, then started dialing, quickly.

Number after number after number.

She was beginning to panic, as time after time after time, there was only the tinned voice informing her that this phone number was no longer in service, that there was no one there. No mother at any of the numbers, until finally she had run out of numbers to call, and limply set the handheld back on the counter.

Feeling sort of numb, she padded to the bathroom, and set a bath to run, still feeling sort of hollow.

Apparently Jess – and perhaps Father Winchester, though not really, since he was some priest and not even the person she remembered – was all she had left.

 Sliding slowly into the tub, Jo moaned softly, closing her eyes. This was the first time she’d been fully submerged in her remembrances, which could mean she hadn’t been in water for a long time. Seven months while asleep, and two months in the hospital… shit, she could have had a baby in that span of time. She slipped under the water for a moment, until the burn in her lungs became too much, and she slid back up from under the surface of the water, panting.

Staring up at the tiled ceiling, Jo fought to remember. She’d promised Jess that she’d focus on the future, but she had to know. She had to figure this out.

Her mother was incommunicado. Her brother was too. Bobby wasn’t there when she called. A man she remembered as a hunter was walking around calling himself a priest – a _skeptical_ priest – and two men that she vaguely recalled as being his sons were detectives. It didn’t make sense – but it actually made perfect sense.

“How much did I make up?” she whispered to the silence in the bathroom. “How much do I actually remember, and how much did I…. dream up? I had a brain injury. What if my brain got all… mixed up?”

Sighing, she slid back under the water again, trembling.

\---

“I feel like I’ve lost out on my own life,” Jo murmured, leaning against Jess on the couch, eyes half lidded.

Stroking Jo’s hair quietly, she pointed out, “But you’ve only missed out on a few months.”

“I wonder if I maybe missed out on more than that.” Jo looked up at her, frowning as she considered the other woman. “Everyone I remember is nothing like my memories of them, and every way I try to contact people I remember… they’re not there. I really… I’m starting to think I made them all up.”

“Nonsense,” Jess laughed softly, “I’m real, aren’t I?”

“You’re the only one I’m pretty sure I _haven’t_ made up.” Jo laughed softly, smiling up at her. “You’re all I have.”

“…I’m not sure if that’s romantic, or desperate,” she smirked slightly.

“We’ll go with romantic,” Jo smiled.

“I thought that might be your intention,” she laughed softly, then said, “Can I be bold?”

“I like bold.”

“Thought you might,” Jess laughed, and bent to kiss Jo, softly.

Jo sighed softly, eyes falling shut as she kissed back, pleased. It wasn’t anything terribly sexy, really, it was soft and gentle and easy, but it sent tingles up her spine. And when Jess finally pulled back a little, Jo whimpered in disappointment.

“Mmm…” Jess sighed softly, pleased. “I take it we approve?”

“Oh, we approve,” she panted, pleased.

Laughing, she brushed her hair back behind her ears, then squirmed forward to tuck Jess’ hair behind her ears, as well, smiling. “I like it a lot better when you keep your hair down… the curls are so beautiful.”

“You’re a sweetheart.” She smiled.

“I sure try.”

\---

Jo tugged her t-shirt off, setting it in the bathroom counter. Taking a deep breath, she considered her reflection in the mirror, frowning.

Jess hadn’t lied about the scars, no matter how much she tried to cover them up later. There were white scars on her stomach, like they were fairly old, some of them like bite marks, others long ragged scars that reminded her very much of bear claws. It was like some huge beast had gone to town on her stomach, trying to rip her apart.

Shuddering, she winced. She didn’t want to think about it.

But she _had_ to think about it. She had to know. Was she _really_ a hunter? Or had her mind made that up as some kind of way to deal with the monsters in her own subconscious? Whatever had attacked her stomach surely would have left a mark in her memories, right? But she had no idea what it was. She couldn’t remember what had happened. At all.

Groaning, she ran her hand through her hair, then jumped when the doorbell rang, and tugged her shirt on quickly. “One second!” she called.

Hurrying as fast as she could – she was almost up to normal speed – to the door, she peeked through the peephole. Eyes widening, she tugged the door open, quickly. “Father Winchester?”

“Hello, Miss Harvelle,” he smiled, eyes crinkling slightly.

“Um… come in.” she stepped back, nervously. The idea of having this man she didn’t understand – who was he, in comparison to her vague memories of him? – coming into her ‘home’, where she was safest, was a little strange. The fact that he was a priest and she was pretty sure she wasn’t nice enough or fancy enough or frankly _good_ enough for a priest’s company made her a little more freaked out too. “Come in, come sit down. Um… coffee or tea?”

“I would love some tea,” he nodded, perching on the edge of the sofa, smiling softly. He had a bible in his hands again. She hadn’t seen him without one once, to be honest.

“Okay,” she fled to the kitchen, setting water to boil.

A few minutes later, Jo slowly headed back to the living room with a tray in her hands, two mugs with the strings of tea bags hanging out, and the little sterling silver cream and sugar set that Jess kept for her evening drinks beside them. Setting it down on the coffee table, she sat across from the priest, nervous. “Here. Tea. Please, ah… help yourself.”

Father John smiled softly, and did so. “Thank you.”

“Right. So, um… not to be rude, or anything, but… what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to check on you, to see how you are feeling. I haven’t spoken to you since you left the hospital, and I wanted to see how your recovery was going.” He smiled faintly, watching her. “I worry. I also wanted to invite you to come to mass on Sunday.”

“Mass.” She repeated.

“Mmhmm,” he nodded.

“Well, ah… I’ve never been one for… church, and religion and stuff, but… I’ll talk to Jess about it. I mean, she’s my ride to anywhere if I go, so…”

Father Winchester laughed softly, sipping at his tea.

“I don’t suppose I can get some holy water, can I?” she asked, abruptly, biting her lip. It might sound like a stupid question, but she wanted some. She had the feeling that she should be adding some to things like, well, the priest’s tea. Paranoid, maybe, but better safe than sorry.

Father John looked confused for a moment, then nodded. “If you come to mass, we’ll see what we can do.”

_Blackmail, nice_. Jo thought maybe she liked this uncomfortably familiar priest a little better.

\---

Jess pressed a soft kiss to Jo’s forehead, leaning over the back of the couch to do it, hands planted firmly on the back of the couch as she did. “Evening, honey.”

“Evening, sunshine,” Jo grinned, looking up from her reading. “Have fun at work?”

“Oh sure… I got to give old man Finnegan a sponge bath today. It was _deliriously_ fun.” Jess rolled her eyes, rounding the couch itself to flop boneless beside her.

“Shame you don’t have pretty patients to sponge bath at work anymore.” Jo smirked, then held up a finger. “And if you do, I don’t want to know about it. Jealousy is an ugly little monster, and I don’t want to be consumed by it, thank you very much.”

Jess laughed softly, and leaned over to kiss her, gently. “Don’t like green eyed demons?”

“Not particularly,” she murmured, relaxing. “That I know of.”

Laughing, Jess tugged her into her lap, running her fingers up and down Jo’s back, massaging the base of her spine slightly as she leaned back into the arm of the couch, holding Jo on her lap and chest. “Hm. I like having you like this.”

Jo laughed softly, settling between Jess’s legs, comfortable, and curled her fingers on the other woman’s collarbone. “Do you, now?”

“I sure do.” She smiled, kissing her again, softly.

“Conveniently,” Jo murmured, eyes closed, “I happen to really like it too.”

Jess smirked deviously, stroking Jo’s spine still as she kept pressing soft kisses to her lips, gently. “What if I was a green eyed demon, though? Would you still like it?”

She snorted. “You’re no green eyed demon.”

“Mmm, true,” she drawled, grinning, teeth bared again.

“So…” Jo drawled, kissing her jaw, softly, fingers tangling in the other’s hair as she wriggled a little. “What does this mean?”

“It means you’re beautiful and I’m gorgeous and we ought to be stunning together,” Jess laughed, nipping at the other’s jaw, giggling. “Maybe even monogamously if you want. I could handle that.”

“So we’re dating?” she drawled, pink.

“If you want to be. We don’t have to, if you’d rather just be my girl at home or something,” she laughed softly. “But I wouldn’t mind being your girl.”

Jo squirmed a little closer, pink, and murmured, “Well… there are some… requirements.”

“Oh yeah?” she drawled. “Do tell.”

“Well, for one, I have to know if the sex is good.”

Jess laughed. “I’m willing to test _that_ theory.”

“I thought you might be,” she smirked, wriggling a little in her lap, amused. “Next, I gotta make sure this isn’t gonna cause problems at work for you. Because I mean, I _was_ your patient.”

“If it was going to be a problem, honestly, it would have been a problem before now. After all, I moved you into my apartment. And into my bedroom.”

“Not,” Jo pointed out, “Into your bed though.”

“Not yet,” she agreed, drawling.

“Is that an invitation?” she giggled.

“Not yet,” Jess smiled softly, cupping her jaw. “I’m not pushing you into anything, Jo. I want to take it slow and careful because there is this whole… getting back to yourself, thing. So it’s a promise, instead.”

“A promise,” she murmured. “Okay.”    
  
[Part Three](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/37496.html)    
 

 

  



	3. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Three

  
  


Jess had left for work, leaving Jo alone in the apartment again. This seemed to happen a lot, if only because Jess worked twelve hour shifts seven days in a row in order to get four off – it was the four off that Jo liked. Four solid days of just having Jess to herself – well, mostly. They still had to go to the grocery store, they had to head out to the mall sometimes to get clothes, or new sheets for the bed, or whatever it was they had to do. Life things.

Life things were driving Jo nuts.

Her memory was still being problematic, so she had to accept that she couldn’t necessarily understand why she was doing things, but one thing that she _could_ remember was that she didn’t _do_ this day to day life thing. She might not have _really_ hunted. But she sure as hell didn’t do this.

Sighing, she flopped back on Jess’ bed. When the nurse wasn’t home, she tended to curl up on Jess’ bed instead of her own little pull out, because it was far more comfortable, and besides, it smelled like Jess.

Though she tried daily, no one had ever picked up at any of the phones she remembered for her mother and the rest of their _de facto_ family. She’d started going to Mass with Jess, which was a little strange too, but the more she saw Father Winchester, the more _normal_ it seemed that he was a smiling, gruff, stern fatherly man. He _had_ given her the holy water she asked for, along with an olive wood rosary that he’d blessed with blessed oils for her. It hung over Jess’ bed on a nail, making Jo feel… safer.

Jess had gotten her things back from the hospital – neither of them was sure why they were caught up in red tape – but getting them back explained nothing. A pair of bloody jeans, bloody tank top, bloody blue plaid shirt. Dark brown work boots that with a little scrubbing were good as new. She wore them everywhere again, fitting like a second glove. They made her feel… like _her_ again, which still didn’t make sense to her. She didn’t know who _she_ was. There had been a necklace with dozens of religious icons on it – though almost all of them were traditionally Catholic icons. There’d been a pair of gold earrings, which she’d put back in, and a small hunting knife in a sheath that she tucked under her pillow. It made her sleep better.

None of it made sense. Either she was a hunter, or… she was some kind of nut ball.

…she could have been a nutball.

Sighing, she closed her eyes as she relaxed back into the bed, enjoying the comfortable bed and the warmth, the sweet gentle smell of vanilla enveloping her. It smelled like Jess.

There was a soft drip on her forehead, and she flinched.

Another drip, then another, and she winced, cracking open an eye to touch her fingers to her forehead. Tugging them down, she frowned at her fingertips, now bloody, blood smeared in the ridges of her fingertips. “…what?”

Another drop hit her brow, and she looked up, gasping in horror.

Jess was pinned to the ceiling, hair fanned out around her, the light strange and blue around her, almost throwing her into film negative. There was blood spread across her belly, dark and red, like she’d been slashed, and it was this wound that was dripping.

“Jess!” she howled in horror.

“Save me,” Jess whispered, then abruptly flames erupted from right behind her, and she screamed, scrambling up, trying to get to the woman.

“Save me.” She whispered again, eyes wide in terror.

“ _No! Jess_!” she howled, fingertips just managing to brush the other girl’s nightdress when flames engulfed Jess completely. “ _No_!”

“Jo!”

Her eyes snapped open again, and Jo rolled to the side, puking all over the beautiful hardwood floor, retching and sobbing as she shook, losing every trace of everything she had eaten that day. Jess sat beside her on the bed, rubbing her back, and she knew this didn’t make sense, but she didn’t care.

 “It’s okay,” Jess whispered, stroking her spine. “I promise, it’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not okay,” she keened. “It’s not okay…”

“It is,” she promised, stroking her spine. “I understand, Jo, I understand completely.”

Sobbing, she whimpered, “I made a mess of your floor…”

“You think I care about the floor?” Jess scoffed, stroking Jo’s back still, trying to make her relax. “I don’t care. That can be cleaned. I need to take care of you. Did you remember something?”

She shook her head. “No…”

“Just a nightmare?” she guessed, gently.

“Nothing… _just_ about it.”

“C’mon, let’s go get your mouth rinsed out, get you to the couch so you can relax while I clean this up, okay?”

“No!” Jo gasped, clinging to her arms. “Don’t leave me!”

“Okay, okay,” she said quickly, still stroking Jo’s shoulders, holding the smaller woman against her chest. “I won’t, I promise.”

\---

Taking a deep breath, the rosary still woven between her fingers, Jo reached up to knock on the polished mahogany door.

“Come in,” the inhabitant called, and she slipped inside, nervously.

“Jo Harvelle,” Father John called, pleased, closing the book he’d been reading, setting it aside, smiling. “I missed you in Mass last week.”

“Sorry, Father,” she murmured, sitting down in the seat in front of his desk.

“It’s not often you come to see me outside of Mass,” he smiled softly. “Actually, you don’t ever come to see me outside of Mass anymore. So what can I help you with?”

“I… need your advice on something, Father. Is it all right if it sounds… completely crazy?”

He laughed softly. “I’m a priest, Jo. Many people think that’s completely crazy as it is.”

She laughed, nervously, squirming on the chair, nervously. “Okay, but this is… you won’t tell anyone, right, no matter how insane it might sound?”

“Priests and their parishioners have complete confidentially,” Father John smiled.

“Oh. Okay. Good.” She smiled softly, relieved. “Do you believe in demons, Father John?”

He hesitated. “The bible talks about demons in a variety of different contexts. Certainly, Lucifer is a demon, as are his lieutenants and servants. They are demons, certainly. And there are, of course, demons that plague people’s lives – the demons of drink, lust, wrath, and so on. These are demons, certainly.”

“That’s not exactly what I mean,” Jo took a deep breath. “I mean full on demons, Father. Unholy creatures that possess humans and try to destroy people.”

Father John frowned slightly, pursing his lips. “You mean… spewing pea soup, heads turning around…”

“I don’t go for movie sensationalism, father,” Jo said, firmly, folding her hands on her lap, squeezing her fingers tightly so hard that her knuckles were white. “I mean creatures with the eyes of those who have no soul who possess human hosts and try to tempt humans into the very ‘demons’ you mentioned earlier – wrath, vice, lust, hate, greed…” she hesitated. “Servants of the devil, sent to destroy us. Some of them might just… kill people, or hurt them. Because it’s fun to them.”

“Jo…” he said softly.

“I mean it, Father.” She murmured, trembling slightly. “Demons.”

“You are serious about this?” he asked, frowning, looking genuinely worried. “You genuinely want to know about demons. I have to ask, child… why?”

“I believe they’re real.” She said softly. “I had… you could call it a vision… it killed Jess. In my vision, I mean. I don’t know… what it was, or what happened, but… there was a… beast. With yellow eyes. A woman, actually, with yellow eyes, and she felt… like a demon.”

“Well, Jo, visions can be notoriously unreliable…”

“I hunted them.” She said bluntly, interrupting him. “Before, I mean. I think. I remember hunting. I might not have, really, because… maybe it wasn’t real. Everything is muddled. But I am sure that I – I remember it so clearly.”

Father John frowned. “If that were so, then you ought to know the value of church sanctioned exorcisms…”

“ _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu Christi, eradicare et effugare a Dei Ecclesia, ab animabus ad imaginem Dei conditis ac pretioso divini Agni sanguine redemptis.”_ She murmured, softly, watching as the priest’s face paled the longer she spoke, and finally stopped. “I know exorcisms.”

“That is a… unique talent,” Father John murmured.

“I know,” she whispered. “It’s not normal.”

“No,” he agreed, leaning back in his chair, eyes wide and stunned. “That is _not_ normal. It is… extraordinary.”

“What can I do?” she whispered.

“I don’t know,” he murmured. “I – I will pray for you, Jo.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, closing her eyes. She didn’t really think that was going to help much.

\---

Jo ambushed the other woman as she stumbled wearily into her house after a very long week, dressed in the clothes she’d been found in almost ten months ago, laundered so that they were blood free. Her hunting knife was strapped onto her belt, carefully sheathed to hide the wickedly serrated edge, and she wore one of Jess’ old coats, way too big on her, but she didn’t care.

“Can we leave?”

Jess yawned, blinking at her, setting her bag down on the floor inside the door. “Hello, nice to see you too. And what exactly are you talking about?”

“I want to leave. I need to get out of this apartment, I need to get out of this city, I need to get in a car and go, and… go to Anaheim.”

“Anaheim.”

Jo nodded, slightly flushed. “Yes. Anaheim.”

Reaching up to pull her hair out of its ponytail, Jess considered her, then looked beyond her to the rest of the apartment, eyes finally landing on the thick stack of newspapers on the coffee table. They had been torn apart, many articles circled in red pen, some articles hacked out of the papers, and she sighed softly, nodding. “I have time to take a shower first?”

She hesitated, then nodded. “Okay. Yeah.”

Half an hour later, Jess yawned as she tugged her winter coat back on, and picked up her bag. “S’good thing you’re cute, sunshine, or I’d tell you to forget it, let’s wait til tomorrow. You think you’ll be up to driving?”

“I don’t have my license anymore,” she reminded her. “Well, the card, anyway.”

“I don’t care, I trust you.” She sighed, handing Jo her keyring. “Just drive responsibly, and no one would think to pull you over. I am full on planning on sleeping in the car as we go, just so you know. All right?”

“That’s all right,” Jo nodded, attention still on the obituary and the article that went with it, stapled together and tucked into her left breast pocket. A woman found with her eyes burned out of her head, her eardrums burst and bleeding. Something about that seemed familiar to her, in a sneaky way that bothered her.

“Let’s go.” Jess kissed her, softly.

\---

Jo hadn’t slept, when they arrived at the little crappy hotel they’d chosen. Jess had protested that they could find a nicer place, but Jo had promised her this was what they wanted. Jess had tumbled into their single king bed, exhausted despite sleeping on the way there, which left Jo to research, Jess’ laptap open in front of her as she searched, frantically, almost feverishly.

Finally, at two a.m., she stood, checked her knife again, and padded over to the side of the bed. Leaning over, she kissed Jess’ sleeping lips gently, then slipped out of the motel room.

Shoulders hunched against the coolness of the night, Jo kept her hands in her pockets, boots ringing slightly on the concrete as she walked. The reason she’d chosen this hotel was not because of its mermaid theme ambience, but because it was, quite simply, less than two blocks from the home in which the woman had been found. She was fairly sure, the more she had researched, that it was _not_ a demon that had killed her – she wasn’t sure what it _was_ , but there was something about it that felt like demons might be… _intrigued_ by the death.

Hesitating outside the apartment building, she frowned, and slipped inside.

This building had clearly been long abandoned, and was graffiti’d and messy, bits of brick pieces and drywall dust on the ground as she picked her way through the hollow rooms. Her footsteps echoed off the walls and ceilings, and she considered the brightly coloured tags, concerned, watching for anything.

Bypassing the elevator with its metal folding gate, she took the stairs instead, footsteps echoing up the stairs as she climbed.

Jo entered the second floor, carefully, her eyes widening in surprise as what she saw. There was a massive table on the other side of the room, covered in demonic looking bric a brac, and before the table, drawn in what she really hoped was red spray paint, was a symbol that seemed vaguely familiar, though she couldn’t actually place it.

“Holy shit, what is all this?”

Jo let out a shout, jumping and spinning to face Jess, who looked startled by her alarm. “Jess! What are you - ?”

“I followed you.” She panted. “You scared me.”

“Sorry, I – I didn’t mean to… you were _sleeping_.”

“Yeah, but you woke me when you left. I was worried, so I followed.” Jess slipped past her to investigate the table itself, fingertips skimming over a few of the items, deliberately avoiding others, as though she instinctively knew which of the items would be dangerous to touch, and which ones would be fine. “This is wild… what would this be _for_?”

“I’m not sure,” Jo murmured. “But it can’t be good.”

“No kidding,” she agreed. Still stroking her fingertips along the edge of the table, Jess abruptly turned to face Jo, frowning, brows furrowed. “What are you doing here, though?”

“…investigating.” She murmured, lamely.

“Investigating?” she repeated, frowning, crossing her arms over her chest.

“…promise not to think that I’m insane?”

Jess snorted, and leaned on the table, watching Jo. “I promise not to think that you’re insane, sunshine. But you’re going to have to give a good explanation after a statement like that.”

Tucking a couple locks of her hair behind her ears, Jo nodded, considering Jess. “Okay. A woman was killed her about a week ago… her eyes kind of… were burned out of her head, and her eardrums burst, and she might have died of blood loss, they’re not entirely sure what killed her. I’m here because I want to know what exactly killed her. Or maybe… I don’t know.”

“Sunshine…”

“No, I said I would give you an explanation, I will.” She took a deep breath. “I think this table and all of this stuff here has something to do with demons.”

“Demons,” Jess repeated, brows furrowed.

She nodded, shifting awkwardly. “Yeah, demons. Like… real demons. Demons that kill people and possess people and do terrible things and need to be exorcised out of the person, you know? I think… based on what little I remember, I used to hunt them. And I wanted to confirm this to myself, I guess. I wanted to see if this was… possible, I guess. Nnngh. It’s just… I think this is a demon case, and… every instinct in my body says I need to find the demon and save the person it’s possessing. I know it sounds ridiculous…”

The other woman let out a deep, long sigh, considering that. “Hm.”

Jo squirmed, watching her, nervously.

“It does sound a little… odd….”

“I know.” Jo sighed, closing her eyes. “It’s insane. It doesn’t make any sense, and I have no proof, and… I can’t prove it. I would like to prove it, I would like to be able to show you something or give you something that would make it make sense, to make it less… ridiculous… but I can’t. If I didn’t remember the things I did, I wouldn’t even believe it.”

“Well… whoever was in here clearly believed it too,” Jess pointed out, turning to look at the table again.

“…that’s true,” Jo agreed, scratching the back of her neck.

“Now, I’m no expert,” the nurse considered the table, hands resting on the edge of it, pondering the contents. “But based on the movies I’ve seen and things, this looks like the sort of thing that people used to use to summon demons and things. So maybe whoever set this thing up remembers the same sort of things you remember?”

“Maybe,” she frowned, stepping up beside the other to consider it. “Hm.”

“I don’t think you’re insane,” Jess promised, smiling at her, looping her arm around Jo’s waist, tugging her against her side, holding the shorter woman closer. “I think _this_ is a little insane, but we’ll figure this out. How do you think things were summoned from this?”

“Probably with an invocation,” Jo murmured, snuggling into her side. “Or an amulet, or something… hm.”

“Betcha they lit the stuff in that chalice on fire,” Jess tapped the edge of a metal cup.

“You think so?” she frowned, surprised.

“Yeah, I bet they did.” She hesitated, eyes narrowing as she considered the table. “Actually, based on what little I’ve seen from movies and such…”

Jo smirked, considering the other woman.

“It looks like the things have already been summoned,” she shrugged, considering it.

“…shit.” Jo murmured, not liking the sounds of that idea. “Well… there’s no proof, so… I think we should destroy this table.”

“Don’t you think it’d be a little late for that?”

Swallowing, Jo nodded, then froze. “…did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

There was a crash behind them, and both women spun to face the shadows, confused. “I don’t see anything,” Jo said, frowning, anxious. “It’s just shadows.”

“Just shadows…” Jess murmured.

“Let’s get out of – “ Jo started, then shouted in surprise as the shadows moved on their own, reaching towards them like fingers. “Jess! Run!”

“I can’t leave you here!” she cried out, as startled as Jo was.

“ _Run_!” she howled, trying to get whatever it was that was approaching to pay attention to her, desperate to get the other woman away from her, to safety. As Jess tumbled towards the stairs again, the shadows reached Jo’s ankles, and she howled in frustration as she was grabbed by the ankles, and yanked to the ground. The claw like shadowed fingers dug into her ankles themselves, and began dragging her into the darkness.

“Jo!” she howled, trying to get to her.

“Get back!” Jo wrestled with her knife sheath, struggling to get it out of its leather case. “Don’t come any closer, Jess!”

“I have to – it can’t have you!”

“I got – stay!” she howled, slashing at the shadows with the knife. There was a burning hiss and sizzle, like the sound of meat dropped in a hot frying pan, and some of the shadows dissipated with a shriek. Gasping as the claws on her ankle disappeared, Jo scrambled up, and thrust with the blade into the darkness.

The shrieks and howls got louder, as did the sizzling sounds, and the shadows seemed to _burn_ _up_.

“Holy shit,” Jess gasped, then darted back to Jo, tugging her away from what little was left of the shadows. “Let’s get out of here. Please. Now.”

“Yeah,” Jo gasped, backing up, quickly.

\---

Jess knelt between Jo’s knees, one of the other woman’s feet on her lap as she carefully bandaged up her bloody ankles. The shadows – whatever they had been – had completely torn up Jo’s legs, as though their claw-like hands had been lined with razors rather than normal animal claws. They’d slashed deep, and the wounds caused by them seemed slower to close than normal wounds did. But still, she rubbed Polysporin carefully into the wounds, and then wrapped gauze gently around them, then the ace bandages over those.

“Those were demons,” she murmured. It wasn’t a question. It didn’t need to be. They both knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Jo murmured, eyes focused on the bandages Jess was carefully wrapping, trying not to think about the actual cause of her wounds. “Those were demons.”

“…they’re real.” Jess whispered.

“…yeah.” She nodded, swallowing.

“It could have killed you,” she looked up, meeting Jo’s eyes. “You tried to save me, and it could have killed you. It _wanted_ to kill you!”

She swallowed again, nodding. “Probably.”

Hands trembling, Jess whispered, “Please, stop. Don’t… don’t go out and try to stop them again. Please.”

“I can’t really – “

“Please, if you ever loved me…” Jess said, eyes wide, “If you _ever_ loved me, never do that again.”

Jo hesitated. There was something in Jess’ eyes that scared her, something honest and earnest, that didn’t really know how to lie if it could, even though it was by its very nature a lie. Something possessive and dangerous, like a mother bear that could keep you to itself as easily as it could tear you apart. Something passionate and powerful, that could love you to death. It was something primal and instinctive, that burned deep within her like a force of nature.

“I won’t do that again,” she promised, and for that moment, she meant it.

Jess’ eyes sank shut for a moment, in relief, then crawled up to rest her hands on Jo’s thighs, kissing her softly.

Reaching up to cup Jess’ jaw, Jo kissed her back, eagerly, fingers tangling in the other’s curling blonde locks, keening softly, desperate and trembling. It was the kind of desperation that made her seek proof that she was alive. She had to know that she existed, had to know that someone needed her, at least for something.

“Jo…” she murmured, crawling onto the bed itself, which forced Jo to tumble back to the bed, panting as she bounced slightly on the mattress. “I want you. I want to claim you, take you for myself. I want you to be _mine_.”

Swallowing, the smaller woman nodded, panting softly. “Okay.”

“Say it,” she murmured, voice rough and passionate, eyes heavily lidded and dark. Needy and possessive.

“I’m yours,” she murmured, breath catching.

Jess swooped like a bird of prey, kissing her feverishly, nipping at Jo’s lower lip. When she gasped, she dove deeper into the kiss, twining her tongue with the other woman’s as she kissed her feverishly, the air between them hot and heavy.

Groaning, she looped her arms around Jess’ neck, holding on for dear life.

The nurse’s dexterous fingers slid under the other’s shirt, pushing it up, up, up, over her breasts and up ‘til it caught on her armpits. Jess growled slightly into the kiss, frustrated, and broke it long enough to tug the shirt right off, tossing it off the bed as she returned to kissing her fervently, fingers curling over Jo’s bra-clad breasts, cupping them as she stroked the pads of her thumbs over Jo’s nipples. Jess grinned as the other bucked, gasping, and nipped at her lower lip, pleased. “Good?”

“Fuck…” she groaned, fingers tangled in the other’s hair still, arching her spine to press into her. “Jess…”

Smirking, she slid her hands off of the other’s breasts to slide down her smooth sides, cupping her hips instead. Pressing her thumbs into the hollows of the other’s hips to get a good grip, she rolled them both over so that Jo was on top, straddling her thighs, and grinned up at the other. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jo answered, panting, pupils blown wide in her dark eyes. “Holy fuck.”

“Not quite,” Jess grinned, and kissed her again, dexterously unhooking Jo’s bra before sliding it down the other’s arms, and dropping it off the side of the bed.

Shivering in the coolness of the room that was suddenly reaching a _lot_ more of her, Jo smiled nervously, trying to fight the nervous instinct to cross her arms and hide herself. Still, she did sit in such a way, leaning over Jess, that her hair hung down in front of her, hiding her a little, in an artistic, classical sort of way. “Jess…” she breathed.

“Oh, my little Jo,” she murmured, sliding her fingers around to cup her breasts in her hand, considering the weight of them in her hand, deliberately stroking Jo’s nipples with her palms, grinning as the other shuddered, eyes falling shut.

“Oh god, Jess…”

She tugged her closer, kissing her deeply. Jo lost herself in Jess’ kiss again, the rest of the world dropping away from them as the taller blonde made her feel better than she had in… ever, her thighs and arms trembling, toes curling slightly. Everything in her body begged for Jess to keep going – or to do more, even – but she couldn’t speak, couldn’t manage those words. All she could manage were soft whimpers and gasps, fingers curling in the other’s hair as she panted, hips shifting awkwardly as she tried to get closer, tried to get more.

Long fingers flicking Jo’s jeans button open, Jess squirmed her fingers inside, sliding her index lower, grinning when the other bucked, eyes wide and startled. “Jo….” She crooned. “Want you…”

“I – I’ve never… been…” she gasped, hips rocking forward into that sneaking finger. “With a – a woman…”

“I know,” she purred, using her free hand to start slowly pushing Jo’s jeans down. “Lift your hips, sunshine. Help with this. I don’t mind. I like it. I want to teach you, Jo.”

She nodded, panting, pushing herself up so that Jess could push the jeans and panties over her ass and down her thighs. “You want me to – to take them right off?”

Jess licked her lips, eyes hungry and wolf-like. “Yes.”

Shifting back on the bed, Jo flopped beside the other on the bed, planting her heels firmly on the mattress and lifting her hips high off the bed as she wriggled her jeans down off of her, kicking them off. They landed with a soft thwump on the floor, and she giggled. “I feel like singing Tom Jones… only… you know… socks instead of a hat.”

“Mmm…” Jess smiled, swinging over her, pinning Jo’s left thigh between hers, and sang softly, in a husky, dusky voice, “You can leave your socks on… baby, you give me reason to live… you can leave yours socks on.”

Jo shivered, biting her lip. “Wow…”

“Mmm… I love when you do that, sunshine…. So… tempting.”

Licking her lips, she whispered, “What are you tempted to do, Jess?”

 She smirked, and slid a hand down the inside of the other’s leg, pushing Jo’s thighs open. She shivered, nervous to be so open to the other, and Jess grinned, considering. “Well… this is a tempting little buffet, isn’t it?”

Jo laughed softly, squirming. “Jess!”

Jess smiled, and slid her fingers gently between the other’s labia lips, stroking softly, gently. “Oh… sunshine… you are all wet for me, aren’t you?”

Flushed, she shrugged with one shoulder.

She kissed Jo again, softly. Teasing the other’s tongue with her own, she gently stroked for a few moments, until Jo seemed to noticeably relax under her. Once she felt that shift in the tension held tight in Jo’s little wiry body, Jess grinned, and slowly slid her index finger into Jo.

Crying out, she arched up, eyes rolling back into her head.

Grinning, Jess kissed her, free hand cupping the other’s left breast again, squeezing and massaging and rolling the nipple gently as she began slowly fucking Jo with that teasing index. She grinned as Jo bucked and writhed, keening and gasping. “Oh, my beautiful sunshine Jo,” Jess murmured, using the pad of her thumb to press hard into the other woman’s clitoris.

She gasped, eyes rolling back into her head as she arched hard. Mouth open in a soundless scream, Jo’s toes curled, waves of pleasure rolling through her body, down her spine and up into her head, tingling and sparking everywhere, stars behind her eyes.

“Oh yes,” Jess murmured, softly. “Beautiful.”      
  
[Part Four](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/37854.html) 

 

  



	4. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Four

  
  


Dropping beside Jo on the couch, Jess handed her a steaming plate with a fork balanced precariously on the edge of it, smiling softly. “I come bearing spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Mmm… looks awesome,” Jo smiled at her, pleased, accepting it. Settling the plate on her Indian-style folded legs, she dug eagerly into the food, attention still focused somewhat on the television, and the news. Twirling spaghetti around her fork, she sucked the saucy noodles into her mouth with a slurp, then pointed at the screen with her fork. “Did you see this? There’s been a string of murders in the city, really horrific stuff.”

“Really depressing stuff,” Jess flicked the television off, setting the remote down on the coffee table. “It’s dinner time, not depression time.”

Jo laughed, glancing over at her lover, smiling. “White picket life, is it?”

“Yes’m,” she smirked, tapping the tip of Jo’s nose.

Laughing, she dug into her spaghetti again, nipping pieces off of a meatball she’d speared with her fork, then speared a mushroom, as well, chewing happily. She liked this little slice of “normal” life. Part of it was Jess herself – Jess had a comforting normalcy to her, and it made Jo feel like she had found ‘home’.

“Speaking of a white picket life… do you remember Ava?”

“Ava,” she repeated, considering the name, closing her eyes as she tried to remember who that was.

_Ava. A bloody engagement ring. I will not kill. Broken salt lines. Death screams._

Her eyes snapped open, sucking in a sharp breath.

“No. Sorry.”

This was a problem that had been happening since her brush with the shadow demons. It was like her mind had realized she was willing to accept this one thing it had been trying to tell her, and went wild with giving her strange things to remember. The problem was, the random memories her mind gave her not only _hadn’t_ happened, but _couldn’t_ have happened. They were like that nightmare with Jess on the ceiling all over again – terrifying, but illogical. Determined not to be as insane as she feared she could become if she focused on these nonsense ‘memories’ her brain damaged mind was somehow creating out of other memories, she tried to ignore them.

Sure, there was a possibility that in the jumble of broken fragments there was a kernel of real memory – the face of one person, the death of another, taking place in the home of a third – but seeking out those kernels could drive her mad.

“Oh… well, that’s okay, you’d probably recognize her to see her… she was in the hospital, too, one of the physiotherapists.”

Jo frowned, struggling to put the description to the mental image, trying to remember Ava the physiotherapist. Somewhere in the jumble was a flash of a woman with a chin length dirty blonde bob, smiling as she helped Jo push her knees up towards her chest. “Short? Nice smile?”

“That’s the one. Good friend of mine,” she smiled, pleased. “She’s getting married this month.”

“Lucky girl,” Jo nodded, slurping up some noodles, not seeing the point.

“I’m one of her bridesmaids. Which means that I really need to help out with her bachelorette party, which is in a few days, and… well. I talked to her about you.”

“Since she helped in my recovery, I guess that makes sense,” she shrugged, licking sauce off her fork.

“Yeah, but I mean… I talked about _us_.”

Jo blinked. “…us?”

“Yeah. You know… you and me. Together.”

“Mm. And she didn’t care that you were my nurse first, girlfriend second?”

“Apparently,” Jess grinned, leaning over to tuck one of Jo’s curls behind her ear, “She thinks it’s romantic. So she insisted that you need to come to the bachelorette with us, and be my plus one for the wedding. Which would mean we’d have to get you a little black dress or something…” she hesitated. “I mean, of course, if you want to come.”

“I’d like to come,” Jo nodded, smiling softly.

“Good,” she smiled at her, shifting forward a little to kiss her softly, gently. “I really want to bring you out into public and show you off as my girlfriend.”

She giggled, amused, spearing her last meatball and nibbling at it. “You sure? Don’t think I’d embarrass you, or make you go ‘oh god, what was I thinking, this girl is insane’? Sure you won’t stumble upon another, hotter potential girlfriend?”

“Never,” Jess cupped Jo’s jaw, possessively, kissing her again, firmly. “You are mine.”

“Okay,” she murmured, eyes falling shut.

\---

“Go in peace, my children.”

There was a small cacophony in the massive chamber, men and women and children standing in relief, gathering up their things, chattering to neighbors about juicy bits of gossip that they had been struggling to keep to themselves through the whole sermon. Jess sighed in relief, and stood, glancing down at Jo. “That was nice.”

“Mm,” she nodded, stretching as Father Winchester stepped down off the front dias of the sanctuary, walking towards them, his black robes swirling about him as he did. “Hello, Father.”

“Hello, Jo. Jess,” he nodded to them both, smiling. “May I speak with you a moment, Jo?”

She glanced at Jess, then nodded. “Of course. Sure.”

“I’ll wait for you by the doors.” Jess said gently, smiling, then nodded at the man. “Father.”

“Nice to see you, Jess,” he nodded, watching her leave, quietly, until he deemed her apparently far enough away, and turned back to Jo. “I wanted to talk to you about what we talked about a few weeks ago.”

She flushed slightly, and nodded.

“I spoke to a few of my colleagues about the existence of physical… servants of the devil,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “I was actually surprised, I will admit, to how large of a concern this has become recently. Many other parishes are reporting an increase for requests for exorcisms, for holy water, for home blessings. And…” here he hesitated. “Many are seeing proof of these activities. Some are expressing concern that we have entered the end times.”

Jo nodded, half hugging herself, fingers curled around her own upper arms. “That’s what I thought.”

“You must understand, this is very concerning to me, Jo,” Father John frowned. “Have you – that is… have you seen evidence of this yourself? Is that why you asked?”

She hesitated, then nodded.

“Our Lord have mercy,” Father Winchester murmured, crossing himself.

“I think, before my… accident,” it was Jo’s turn to choose her words carefully, “I might have hunted them down. I think that’s how I remember it, though I know that doesn’t make sense. That’s why I knew the exorcism.”

“My child, you know not that which you tamper with…” the Father murmured, eyes wide.

“I know.” She held up her hands quickly. “But I’ve stopped. Jess made me promise not to risk it anymore. Not to chance it. I learned my lesson.”

He nodded, clearly relieved to hear that.

Jo smiled, hopefully.

“You and Jess, you ah… you seem close,” he smiled, trying to look comfortable and friendly, but just managed to look nervous and vaguely uncomfortable. Like a father looking at his beloved son whose decisions he didn’t quite approve of.

She cleared her throat. “Yes. We are.”

“Hm. Well, God made you just the way you are, child. I am meant to give you the official church line – that it is perfectly acceptable for you to be the way you are so long as you never act on those desires, but…” Father John smirked crookedly, and Jo saw a flash of defiance and mischief in his eyes that seemed to belong to him in a different time and place she only faintly remembered. “I’ll only ask you the two questions I ask every other couple that comes into my sanctuary: does she make you happy, and will you raise your children Catholic?”

Jo laughed, eagerly. “Yes, Father. To both.”

“Then may the Lord bless you both,” he smiled, patting her shoulder gently. “And stay away from that darkness, understand?”

“Of course.” She nodded, flushed, but smiling.

He nodded, then stepped past her to go speak to a small family that were talking among themselves a few pews down, crouching to speak to their toddler, who tried to play with his vestments. Jo smiled, and headed towards the tall woman waiting by the door, quietly and innocuously sliding her fingers into the other’s hand. “Ready to go home, Jess?”

“Hm, yes.” Jess smiled back at her. “What was that about?”

“I promised to raise our children Catholic.” She grinned up at her, briefly considering getting a pair of heels so she’d feel less ridiculously short beside her girlfriend, especially since Jess kept wearing heels herself and making herself even taller, but figured that was another thought for another time.

“Oh?” Jess laughed, smirking down at her.

“Mmmhmm, only way the good Father wouldn’t complain.”

“Somehow, with that rebellious streak of his, I don’t think so, but that’s all right. I was raised a good Catholic girl… our little ones can be Catholic too. Now, are you becoming the man, or shall I?”

Jo laughed, leaning on her shoulder, head on her arm. “We’ll flip a coin.”

\---

“I look like an idiot.”

“You look adorable,” Jess grinned, perfect teeth showing in a neat line. “Besides, you were the one who wanted to be taller.”

“I _should_ be taller,” she murmured.

“Darling, you’re tiny. You’ve always been tiny.” Jess leaned up, still crouched at Jo’s feet with one of the smaller woman’s feet in her lap, fingers still curled on the thin leather straps, pausing in buckling the tiny silver buckles, and kissed her gently. “And I like you tiny. My own little woman.”

She snorted, despite herself, smirking. “What am I, your doll?”

“Mmm… cute and little and doll-like… but no.” Jess smiled. “Just my little woman.”

“Ha ha,” she rolled her eyes.

“Mmm, let’s get this silly little shoes business finished, then it’s time for the bachelorette party, babe.”

“Are you _sure_ you want me to come with you?” Jo asked, tucking hair behind her ears, frowning slightly. Jess had curled her hair for her, then pinned some of it back in little rhinestone’d clips. It felt stupidly girly, but apparently that was the goal when going out with “the girls”. “I mean, I don’t really know Ava, and this is really supposed to be her night with her friends…”

“It’s okay,” she promised. “Lily’s bringing her girlfriend, too, and besides, Ava asked me to invite you.”

Smirking slightly, she considered the other. “You two are friends with a lot of lesbians, huh?”

“Mmm… maybe. Though I consider myself more of a bisexual woman who happens to currently hate men and lust after curves.”

“Curves?” Jo arched a brow. “I have no curves.”

“Enough curves.” She laughed, kissing her again, then standing. “Ready to go?”

“You are way too tall,” Jo muttered, standing, leaning on her lover’s side, frustrated. “You should wear flats. Give me an illusion of height.”

“Sorry, remember, we already talked about this,” she grinned. “I like my little girlfriend. Let’s go.”

Half an hour later, they stepped into the bar this thing was supposed to be taking place in, arm in arm. Jo’s eyes flicked over the dark room, adjusting quickly to the throbbing strobe lights as she looked for every access point, for every hiding place. She may have promised her girlfriend not to hunt anymore, but it was a deep instinct she couldn’t lose.

Jess, apparently, had been looking for her friends instead, and grinned at Jo. “Over there, see the pink cowboy hat?”

Narrowing her eyes, Jo nodded. “Uh huh.”

“That’s Ava, c’mon.” She beamed, tugging Jo through the crowd towards the little group. “Ladies!”

The girl with the pink cowboy hat jumped up to hug Jess, and Jo’s eyes swept over the little group, cataloguing them each, curious. She was slightly curious to see if she recognized any of them, honestly.

“Oh, Ava… you remember Jo?” Jess grinned at them both.

The girl in the pink cowboy hat, cheeks flushed and hair rumpled, leaned forward, beaming. “Of course I do! Jo, hun, how’re the legs doing? I know we worked on them for ages…”

Jo considered the girl, nodding. “They’re doing fine. Hi, Ava. Congrats, on the whole… you know, wedding thing.”

She laughed, and tapped her nose. Ava was clearly completely smashed.

“Hoo, sweetie, you reek of booze,” Jess giggled, waving her hand in front of her nose, playfully, and passing the drunk bride-to-be to the next girl in the small circle. “All right, let’s do the rounds… everyone, this is Jo Harvelle, my girlfriend.”

The other women – and the one man – waved.

“Now… let’s see…” Jess sat on the bench, tugging Jo with her, arm wrapped around her waist. It felt very possessive and ‘claiming of territory’, as though Jess was silently trying to tell her friends that Jo was hers, back the fuck off. Motioning to a woman in a leather jacket, she introduced her as Lily, and the elegantly aristocratic brunette beside her as her girlfriend. “Sorry, I know I should know this…” Jess laughed softly. “What was your name again?”

“Bela Talbot,” she smiled, long fingers resting on Lily’s arm as she spoke in a soft, British-accented voice. “It is very nice to meet you, Jo.”

Jo nodded. “Hey.”

“And this is Andy,” she motioned to the lone man in the group, who bounced to the edge of his seat, and offered his hand, eagerly, shaking Jo’s with a fervor that was a little startling.

“You are a _beautiful_ girl, let me just tell you, if you ever decide you’re tired of the girl group thing, give me a call. I’m non-threatening, sweet, and adoring, I promise. And if you think that’s a little creepy, which, true, a girl might, just please don’t hit me a lot. I’m soft and bruise easily.”

Jo laughed, pleased. It was a little weird, but he was _funny_.

“Back off, Andy.” Jess arched a brow, tugging Jo a little closer to her side. “Next we have Pamela… hey honey.”

Pamela grinned, tugging her shades off to shake Jo’s hand as well, firmly. She was older than the others in the group, but dressed young – a bit like a rocker chick in leather and studded jewelry. “Hey, sweet thing. You look as out of place in that stupid little dress as I would… the things ye do for love, eh?”

She smirked, feeling much better about meeting these friends already. “No kidding.”

“Oooh, newcomers!” a new girl stumbled up to the group, giggling, carrying at least four champagne glasses precariously, though there might have been more, since it was hard to see with her stumbling awkwardly. She beamed at them, giggling like a high school cheerleader, which matched the bouncy pigtails in her blonde hair. “Hi!”

“Hey… Lucy…” Jess reached up to take the champagne glasses from her, frowning slightly. “Hun, you’re drunk already?”

“I’m having _fun_!” she giggled, dropping into the space beside Jo, waving her hands in the air. “It’s a party, baby! Time to go out and get drunk and get laid and make Ava have a blast!”

Ava herself giggled, reaching for one of the champagne glasses. “I am!”

“See? Oooh, can we dance?” Lucy asked, eagerly.

“Sure, hun, you can dance,” Jess nodded, offering the champagne glasses to Jo. “Want some?”

“Hm, sure,” she took one, carefully.

Shaking her head a little at the way Lucy was leaning over Jo to gush eagerly to Ava about all of the gorgeous men on the dance floor and how none of them were ‘Jake’, whoever that was, but they were pretty and deserved to be danced with and could they go dance with them, please, Jess offered the other glasses to the others in the group.

“You’re not drinking?” Lily asked, frowning slightly as she took one.

“No, not tonight,” Jess shook her head.

“We’re not driving, though,” Jo blinked up at her, surprised. After all, it was kind of traditional to get trashed at these sort of things, wasn’t it? “We can… even if you only want one.”

“I’m just not wanting to drink tonight,” she shrugged, though her cheeks were flushed, and handed the last glass off to Andy. “Drink as much as you want, though.”

Jo shook her head, sipping at her glass – the only glass she planned on drinking that night.

\---

“I think someone spiked my drink,” Jo slurred, staggering on her uncomfortable and still-unfamiliar heels as Jess helped her into the apartment. “Hoo…”

“You and Lucy both,” Jess smirked, helping her towards the bedroom. “To hear her talk about it.”

“Naw… Lucy just drank too much,” she smirked, amused. “Tha – that girl can’t hold her alcohol to save her life. At all.”

“This coming from the woman who told me on the dance floor that she wanted, and I quote, to ‘sex me up’. No one even talks like that anymore, Jo, unless they’re middle aged men in track suits.”

She giggled, and flopped on the large bed – the pull out long ago packed away – and kicked her feet at Jess. “Shoes. Off.”

“Yes my mistress,” she giggled as well, crawling onto the bed and carefully unbuckling Jo’s overly complicated shoes. “Whose idea were these torture devices anyway? I seem to remember suggesting that you get a cute little pair of mules.”

“Not tall making enough,” she pouted, watching Jess work. “You have nice hands.”

“You just like what my hands do,” she grinned, not looking up from the shoes. “Seriously, how many buckles do these things _have_?”

“They’re _Roman_ sandals,” Jo informed her, seriously, nodding. “The Romans like their buckles.”

“I’m pretty sure Romans didn’t actually _have_ buckles,” she pointed out, finally tugging the left shoe off. “I’m pretty sure they weren’t even invented yet.”

“Mmm, maybe. You _are_ smart at things like this,” Jo tugged her other foot out of Jess’ lap before she could unbuckle the other shoe, and crawled back up the bed to kiss Jess firmly, not caring that she stank like fairly good champagne and perfume, or that Jess just laughed against her lips, amused by her drunk and fumbling attempts at seduction. None of that mattered. What mattered was that they were here, they were together, and they were happy, goddammit.

That was all that mattered.

That was why this mattered.

They _had_ to be happy.

Pushing Jess back on the bed, Jo crawled up to straddle her legs, splaying her fingers out across the other’s stomach, then hesitated. Jess bit her lip, watching her, but didn’t say anything nor make any attempt to move when Jo slowly tugged the other’s sundress up to just under her breasts, fingers splayed out across her belly again.

“…this used to be flatter,” Jo murmured, starting to feel a lot more sober already.

“…it was,” Jess agreed, watching her.

“…how long ago was it that the boyfriend skipped town?” she lifted her head, meeting her lover’s eyes, firmly, the skin between her brows furrowed. “Five and a half months now?”

“Right about twenty three weeks ago.” Jess cleared her throat.

“This is why you didn’t drink. This is why you’ve been wearing your scrubs everywhere. This is why you keep wearing those hangy blouse things… I mean… I’m seeing what I _think_ I’m seeing, aren’t I?” Her eyes widened, and they flicked to her hands, still pressed on the other’s stomach. “I am _feeling_ what I think I’m feeling, aren’t I?!”

“Yes.” She murmured. “You are.”

“But you’re – five and a half months! Hell, almost six months! Less than four left! Almost _three_.” Jo gaped at Jess’ stomach, squirming down to look at it properly. She was definitely more _round_ than she had before, but she wasn’t very big, not really. “You’re still so – so small! I thought women went _pop_ now!”

“…not if they’re very athletic and carrying high up,” Jess murmured, embarrassed.

“Were you not planning on _telling_ me?!” she squawked, meeting the other’s eyes, gaping at her in horror. “Was this just supposed to be a surprise? Oh, by the way, Jo, you promised Father Winchester we’d raise our children Catholic so I got on that? Here, have a baby! Was I just supposed to _know_?!”

“I was going to tell you!” she protested. “I just didn’t know how!”

“Twenty three weeks! You knew before we got together! Hell, you probably knew before I woke up!”

“I found out the day you woke up, actually,” Jess muttered, flushed, hugging herself a little, still sprawled out on the bed, pinned there by Jo on her thighs. “For the record, I haven’t told anyone, it’s not just you. I just – I mean, he ran off, left me with this, it’s just… I was trying to think of the right words.”

“How about ‘Hey, Jo, by the way, I’m pregnant’? It would have been nice to know!”

The other looked horrified. “Are you – are you saying that this means – “

“I’m not going to _leave_ you,” Jo groaned softly, closing her eyes. “I am not going to do that. But I – “ she hesitated. “I need a cigarette.”

Jess looked confused. “You don’t smoke.”

“I know.” Jo sighed. “I just feel the intense need to do something insanely unhealthy for a moment, and since apparently drinking enough for all _three_ of us,” she waved her vaguely at Jess and herself, “Didn’t seem to do the trick, I need a cigarette. I am going to go out, I am going to get a pack, I am going to smoke, and then I am going to come home. Okay?”

“I – are you sure?” she whispered.

“I need to _think_ , Jess. This is the best explanation I have for what I need to do.” She bent to kiss Jess, firmly, trying to show that it wasn’t a lack of affection that was driving her to this bizarre plan. “I’ll be back soon,” she murmured against her lips. “I promise.”

\---

Jo stood on the biggest bridge in Palo Alto, which wasn’t really saying much. Down the street from Stanford University, the small suspension bridge managed to nevertheless span some fast moving water, and it was this she stared out at as she leaned on one of the metal supporting poles, temple pressed against the cool metal.

There was a cigarette burning idly in her fingers, her seventh of the night, but she didn’t seem to manage to draw in more than one short breath of each. She kept forgetting about them, and letting them burn out.

Jess was pregnant. Her girlfriend. Pregnant.

Were Jo a normal girl, she might have been focused on the responsibility. The deceit by omission. The lack of trust, the failure to communicate, the realization that in less than four months Jo would essentially be a parent.

She wasn’t.

All she could see, over and over, running through her mind, was the image of Jess pinned to the ceiling, calling out to her, burning, blood bubbling out of her. Out of her stomach.

From her womb.

Now that Jo knew, she was sure she knew what the nightmare, the vision, the… whatever it was had meant. It meant that this baby would die, and she would _lose_ Jess.

Letting out a growl of frustration, Jo flicked what little was left of this cigarette off the edge of the bridge, running her hands harshly through her hair. She wanted to scream, wanted to shout out her frustrations and fears to the sky, wanted to howl that she was terrified, that she was angry, that she was frustrated. She wanted to kill something, wanted to light something on fire. She wanted to curl in a ball and sob.

A baby she could handle.

Losing Jess she could not.

Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, Jo scrubbed her face with her coat sleeve, harshly, wiping away the tears. Shoving her hands in her pockets, her fingers curled around the comforting cold plastic of her cell phone.

Tugging it out, she considered the screen, then leaned back against the frame. “God, I wish I could just… call home. Mom would – “

She shook her head, tears running again, but still punched in the number.

“ _Jo_?!” a frantic voice answered. “Thank god, I was so – !”

“Jess,” she whispered.

“I – Jo, I’m sorry, I know I should have said something!” the other woman babbled, and she could hear her voice cracking.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “But… um…”

“Anything, Jo, anything, I swear, I won’t keep anything from you, not ever…. Please come home…”

“I want to,” Jo murmured.

“You can! Please, Jo!”

“No, I – “ she hesitated, wiping at her eyes again, turning from the raging river to face the road. “….I’m lost.”

There was a choked sobbing laugh from the other end of the line, and Jo smiled, watery. “Where are you? I’ll come get you. Just stay put, I’ll – ow – I’ll get my coat…”

“On the bridge. The big one.”

“Okay. Okay. Stay – stay on the line.”

“You know it’s illegal to talk and drive at the same time,” Jo laughed softly, snuffling and wiping at her eyes.

“Don’t care.”

“Heh… and you’re supposed to be the responsible one.” She smirked.

“I’m coming. I promise.”

Fifteen minutes later, Jess’ little white car pulled up, and the other woman threw herself out of the car, barely having pulled a coat over her dress. Her makeup was smeared and running, but she didn’t seem to care as she threw herself into Jo, who hugged her back with an almost desperate fervor.

“I thought…” she hesitated.

“Stop thinking. I’ll always come back. You’re my harbor.”

Jess buried her face in Jo’s hair, letting out a shuddering sob, and whispered, “The light in me will guide you home.”

\---

_Come on, Sam. I've never lied to you. You could at least pay me the same respect. It's okay. I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin... I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you._  
  
[Part Five](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/38049.html)   


 

  



	5. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Five

  
  


“I never want to move again. Ever.”

Jess snorted, amused, closing her eyes. She had flopped on the bed, bonelessly, hands folded on her stomach, which was becoming more and more rounded as the weeks progressed. “You didn’t even move anything. The movers moved everything for us.”

“I would like to remind you which of us had to put everything in boxes,” Jo grinned, flopping beside her girlfriend, curling into her.

“Yeah,” Jess laughed. “Me.”

“You are not helping.” She drawled, smirking. “Let me have my righteous indignity, dammit. But we’re in, furniture is in vaguely the right place, and the baby’s room is perfect. How in the world, in the entire city, did you randomly find the only apartment where someone happened to have painted the second bedroom to be a nursery?”

“Skills,” she drawled, pleased, running her fingers through Jo’s hair. “But now we’re in.”

“Mmmhmm,” she agreed, nodding. “I don’t want to move for a month.”

“You’re gonna have to move earlier than that,” Jess grinned, running her fingers through her hair still. “Tomorrow we get on a plane, remember, to go out to South Dakota? For Ava and Jake’s wedding on Saturday?”

Jo groaned, thumping her forehead down onto the other woman’s shoulder. “…fuck. I completely forgot for one blissful, wonderful second there. Why did we move right before the flight?”

“Cause it’s the first,” she smirked. “Moving day as mandated by the management company, remember? Circumstances are beyond our control. Again.”

“Always seem to be.” She sighed, sitting up, stretching.

“What’re you up to?” Jess asked, curiously, watching her. She was still rubbing her stomach, quietly. Jo often wondered exactly how Jess managed to keep doing everything she always had – cooking, cleaning, packing, working at the hospital still – while as pregnant as she was. In just over a month, her girlfriend was going to be having a baby, and yet she acted like she could still do anything she had done before. The woman had more strength than she would have imagined any human could.

“Gotta get some fresh air. And milk,” she grinned, leaning over to kiss Jess softly, then slid off the bed. “I saw a convenience store a couple blocks over.”

She nodded, watching still. “What do we need milk for?”

“Cereal in the morning, and chocolate milk now. I’m craving. I’m telling you, you’re whole ‘being preggers’ thing keeps wearing off on me. You have the baby, I have the cravings and weird sleep schedule.”

Jess laughed, amused. “You can keep that after next month, too. You can get up to take care of baby in the middle of the night.”

She crinkled her nose. “Mmm. Sure.”

Snickering, Jess yawned, and stretched. “Hurry home?”

“Sure, baby, but you ought to go to sleep. We’ve got a long flight, and… well. I’m not expecting you to get much sleep on the plane. Crying babies on the plane are going to remind you what hell you are about to walk into. And if you tried to sleep, you’ll be plagued by crazy nightmares of wailing babies and dirty diapers.”

“…and you want me to sleep after that?” she snickered. “Great. Have fun.”

“Getting milk? Sure, I’ll have fun getting milk.” Jo waved, laughing, and slipped out of the bedroom, padding in socked feet down the hall, skirting small piles of boxes. Digging in the hall closet, she found her coat and her boots, and a few minutes later was clambering down the stairs – foregoing the elevators – to head out of the building, tugging the front door of her truck open, clambering up into it. She had gotten a job, for about three weeks a few months ago, and used her two paychecks to buy this piece of shit truck, but she liked it.

Pulling out of the parking lot, she drove past the convenience store, past the grocery store. Part of her felt a twinge of guilt, but soon she drove into the parking spot of a small, worn down little bungalow, clambering out of the truck.

Reaching behind her back, she curled her fingers around the handle of the knife tucked in the back of her jeans, holding it tightly. She had told Jess that it was gone. Told her that when she had given up hunting, she had given up the knife as well. Honestly, she wasn’t sure why she had lied to her girlfriend, but… the damn thing made her more comfortable.

Climbing the steps, she pushed the door open, carefully. It creaked, ominously, and she stepped into the silence following the sound.

“Come out come out wherever you are,” she murmured, quietly.

There was a soft sound to her left, where the kitchen should be, based on the hastily drawn floor plans that the owner of the house had drawn up for her, and she headed that way, moving as silently as she could manage, tugging the knife out of the back of her belt. She held it low, beside her thigh as she walked, quietly, gripping the handle so tightly that her knuckles were white.

A cat barreled past her, and she gasped, startled, slamming the base of her spine against the counter, startled.

She laughed breathlessly in relief, realizing that it was just the family pet, then let out a shout of surprise and pain when something grabbed her and threw her forward into the wall. Jo’s head cracked off a hanging decorative plate, and let out a cry of pain, throwing her hand up to get the blood out of her eyes when the plate smashed in chunks, showering to the floor.

Spinning, knife up, Jo’s eyes widened in horror as she saw her attacker.

The elderly grandmother of the family that lived in the home was behind her, howling, teeth bared, slathering and foamy saliva dripping out of her mouth like a rabid animal. Her eyes were black – that is, no whites, no irises, just as though her pupils had slid across her entire eyeball, replacing the eye with a deep, black, soulless _pit_.

The woman howled, a roar of rage, spittle flying.

“ _Christo_!” Jo yelled, and the woman shuddered like a horse trying to shake off a fly, black eyes flickering almost to white again.

Taking advantage of the woman’s momentary distraction, Jo darted forward to plunge the knife into the woman’s chest, turning her head to the side as the woman screamed, her ribs and skull suddenly visible through her skin as her body was filled with flames, burning light shining ominously out of her eyes and mouth like a twisted jack o’ lantern, then the body slumped to the floor, smoldering quietly.

Panting, Jo stepped back, leaning on the wall for a long moment, watching the smoking slowly fade, then slid back out of the house, clambering into the truck.

Flipping her visor down, she swore at the blood on her face, and dug a box of tissues out of the glove compartment, carefully wiping the blood up, relieved that the wounds themselves were small and could be cleaned up easily. Maybe she’d pass them off as acne, or something, if Jess actually noticed.

Twenty minutes later, she tucked the carton of milk she’d picked up at the convenience store – on her way back to the new apartment – into the fridge, then headed back to their bedroom.

Jess had fallen asleep, half tucked under the blankets with the book that she had been reading resting open on her chest. The lamps were still burning and the television was still playing quietly, though it was now playing nonsense commercials of athletic equipment or food choppers, or something, so Jo flicked the television off, changed into the oversized t-shirt that she wore as a nightgown, and flicked the lights off before crawling into the bed with her lover. Closing her book, she set them aside, then kissed Jess softly in the dark before curling into her, quietly.

\---

Jess was trembling in her seat, eyes wide, knuckles white where she gripped the arm rests.

Grinning, feeling sort of mischievous, Jo curled into her lover, and purred, “Shall I hum Metallica to make you feel better?”

“How is _Enter Sandman_ gonna make me feel any better?” Jess muttered through her clenched teeth, trembling slightly, eyes flicking to glower at Jo. “I hate planes. I hate flying. We could all crash and burn and die and – “

“Okay, _someone_ needs cheering up.” Jo grinned. “Could be worse. We could have a pilot possessed by a demon.”

Her eyes flicked to her in horror. “That is supposed to _cheer me up_?!”

“Cheers me up,” she snickered.

\---

“If _one_ more person asks you why the father of baby isn’t here with us today, I swear to god I am going to stab someone,” Jo muttered through clenched teeth.

“So long as you don’t stab me, Jake, or Ava, I think we can work with that,” Jess grinned, mischievous. She looked radiant in the dress that Ava had chosen for the bridesmaids, a sleeveless, strapless emerald green dress that tumbled elegantly like an _art neuveau_ dress to the floor, and though it was one that managed to hide a person’s shape fairly stylishly, there was no hiding Jess’ by now very round belly. “We can pass it off as PMS, everyone will accept that.”

Jo sighed, crossing her arms over her chest, wearing a light, drifty, white sundress. She had given up on the idea of wearing heels for the wedding, but since Jess complained of fallen arches and never wore them anymore anyway, at least there was just the six inch difference between then, instead of heel created greater difference.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jess murmured, stroking Jo’s hair, gently, tangling her fingers in the pin straight blond locks. “ _I_ know that you’re my baby’s daddy.”

She snorted, leaning slightly on her. “How much longer before you start?”

“Not much longer now, I don’t think,” Jess considered that. They had had the rehearsal the night before, and while apparently it was more traditional for the bridesmaids to be helping the bride out in her dressing room, Ava had insisted that she wanted her wedding to be fun and relaxed – a tough thing to do, apparently – so she’d insisted she could get ready with just her mother-in-laws help. “Jake said that when the pianist starts playing _Only Time_ it’s time to go to the front.”

“ _Only time_?” she repeated, amused. “ _Enya_?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jess chuckled, smiling. “You gonna be all right by yourself?”

“I’m not a toddler, muffin,” she smirked, squeezing Jess’ hands gently. “I can sit by myself and watch my beautiful woman stand at the front with daisies.”

Laughing softly, she kissed Jo’s forehead, smiling. “You’re sweet.”

“I try,” she agreed, grinning. “Oh,” she murmured, watching as Jake slipped through the crowd, speaking quietly to the pianist at the front of the church. “Jake’s getting married in his dress uniform?”

“Way I understand it, that’s kind of a normal thing for military men. It’s kind of a mark of honour, to get dressed in their uniforms. Besides… the man looks _good_ in his uniform, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” she murmured, quietly.

Jo had barely even met Jake, thus far, but she didn’t like him. Everything in her body screamed to stay away from him, to get as far away from him as she could manage to get, and when he wore that uniform… it got even worse. It wasn’t just a sense of ‘oh god, get away from me’, but elevated into a sense of ‘kill it with fire’. Every time she got even close to meeting his eye, she kept seeing him in dusty battle fatigues, baring his teeth at her, furious.

“You okay, sunshine?” Jess asked softly, gently cupping Jo’s jaw.

“I – yes.” She said quickly, softly, flushed. “Must just be jet lagged, or… something.”

Jess nodded, understanding that. “Mmm. Me too.”

The piano abruptly started playing again, louder than it had been before, and Jess looked up, quickly. “Oh! I think that’s – yes, that’s it, we should go. Time for me to get up to the back.”

“Okay.” Jo nodded, and kissed her quickly. Who cared if they managed to scandalize some of the traditional South Dakotans milling about? She loved her girl, and she’d be damned if she let the traditional men and women of Cold Oaks keep her from that. “I’ll be sitting in our row… see you after the wedding photos and such.”

“Don’t go too far, when the photos start… Ava wants couples pictures of her bridesmaids, and you’re going to need to be there. Okay?”

She sighed, and nodded.

“Okay. See you soon, sunshine,” Jess giggled, kissing her softly, then hurrying up towards the front of the church, beaming as she met Pamela and Lily, smiling. Lucy and Andy were already standing on the stage already, smiling.

Slipping into her seat in one of the wooden pews, Jo folded her fingers, frowning as she watched. She vaguely recalled some of the men who would be standing on Jake’s side of the little stage, though she didn’t know all of them. There was Ansem – or did they call him Webber? – that she only recognized because he was almost identical to his twin brother Andy, and Max and Scott. The fourth and fifth men she didn’t really know, though they looked somewhat familiar. Leaning back a little, she considered as they all gathered at the back and the rest of the guests found their seats.

A hush fell over the room, then the bridesmaids and groomsmen began coming up the aisle, in pairs, smiling. The bridesmaids each carried a small bundle of bright sunny coloured daisies, and each of the men had one slipped into their buttonholes.

Jo met Jess’ eyes as the other woman passed, and the bridesmaid winked, pleased.

Little Rose toddled up the aisle way, trying to scatter flower petals as she’d been instructed, but really grabbing whole fistfuls of the bits of daisies and whipping them at the ground and haphazardly at the guests. Peter followed her, quietly, hair slicked back carefully like he’d been dropped into water and someone had tried to get his hair to behave. He looked somber and serious as he carried the pillow the ring was on. Strictly speaking, he was way too old to be a ring bearer at twelve, but he was friends of the family, so exceptions had been made.

Jake followed them, crisp and neat in his dress uniform, and Jo winced, looking away.

Once the whole group was ready at the front of the hall, on the small lifted stage, Father Winchester slipped out from the side to join them, standing at the front, smiling. He looked pleased as punch to have been asked to preside, and waited, holding his big Bible.

The music shifted to the traditional bridal march, and everyone shifted to look to the back.

Ava and her mother in law stepped through the door, smiling. Ava’s dress was identical to her bridesmaid’s dresses, only white instead of emerald green, and she wore a long, simple veil. When Jo had seen the original dress – _off_ of Ava – she had pointed out that she looked a little like Queen Amidala, but now that Ava wore it, she looked like she had stepped from a Mucha print, graceful and elegant. Holding her arm as she walked her down the aisle, Missouri looked like she was about to burst into tears, though she was beaming.

Missouri handed her soon to be daughter in law off to her son, then Father John opened his Bible, cleared his throat, and began to read.

Jo let the sound of his voice wash over her, tuning out a lot of the actual words, until he said, “If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, may they speak now, or forever hold their peace.”

Looking over Ava’s pleased, beaming face, she let her eyes drift to Jake again, who was smiling softly at her, lovingly.

_Andy lay bloody and broken on the floor, and she stood trembling by the window. The salt line was broken, and Ava only said “Sorry,” before her eyes flickered and she pressed her fingers to her forehead. A shimmer in the air started as another of the demon children was beginning to appear, and she backed up, alarmed as Jake stepped into the room, realized what was happening, and took Ava’s head in his hands. He twisted, and with a sick snap, her head turned too far around_.

“Jo?”

She started, eyes wide as she looked up at Jess, who was crouched beside her, looking at her with visible concern. “…what?”

“Sunshine, you’ve been sitting here staring into space for almost half an hour. I was starting to get really scared. What happened? Did you have another one of your flashbacks?”

She shuddered, closing her eyes. “Just – no, I – I don’t know.”

“Do you want to go back to the hotel?” she asked, softly, concerned. “We don’t have to stay, your health is more important.”

“No,” she said quickly. “You need… photos and stuff. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“…yeah.”

\---

Jess was sleeping, and while the day _had_ been exhausting, sleep was the last thing on Jo’s mind.

While she had briefly entertained the idea of heading downstairs to drink in the hotel bar, she didn’t really want to chance running into any of the other guests, so she dressed in her jeans and her leather jacket, and headed down the street, hands in her pocket, looking for somewhere hopefully quiet and out of the way, preferably with a jukebox. In all honesty, she couldn’t remember ever being in that kind of bar, but the idea of a saw-dusted floor and the soft click-clack of pool balls filled her with relief.

Sure enough, this being South Dakota, she soon found a little bar called “The Bell Tolls”, and slipped inside.

Soon, she sat at a little corner table, sipping at a bottle of beer, playing with the little orange glass candle holder in the middle of the table. The bar was exactly like she had imagined, with little stained glass hanging lamps and dark polished wood, sawdust on the floor, moping country music pouring through the bar towards her, making her feel warm and relieved.

Sipping at her beer, she considered those littered around the bar, eyes making contact with a woman standing at the end of the bar, elbow resting on the wood, holding a drink that she didn’t seem to be drinking. Instead, the blonde woman seemed to be watching Jo, instead.

A little weirded out by her watching, Jo sipped at her beer, looking away again.

In all honesty, she wished she had her knife. It was still in the truck in the parking lot of the airport, wrapped in an old plaid shirt, tucked deep in the glove compartment. It always made her feel better, less alarmed. And with the way this day was going – with the terrifying visions and the weird momentary flashes of terror and the weird woman watching her like she wanted to skin her and wear her like a suit – she really could have used it. It might have made her feel better, at least.

And if she had her knife, she could go hunting.

“Hello, stranger.” The woman slid into a chair across from Jo, smirking. “Been waiting for you for a long time.”

“If this is a ‘where have you been all my life’ thing, you can fuck off,” Jo said calmly, though under the table, she tightly clenched one of her hands on her lap, concerned. “I’m already involved with my once in a lifetime woman, thanks. So fuck off anyway.”

“Jo Harvelle,” the woman smirked, crookedly.

“No,” she drawled, “You’re not.”

“I am aware of that,” she responded, sipping at her glass for the first time since Jo had spotted her, then set it down, and leaned a little closer to her. “You’re Jo Harvelle. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Bullshit.”

She snorted. “I have. You’re not the only hunter out here, Jo. Other people have heard about you, other people have paid attention to the hunts you’ve been doing. The demons you’ve been killing. I’m here to offer you my help.”

Jo blinked at her, and stood, sharply. “Stay away from me.”

“I’m trying to _help_.”

“Fuck. Off.” She said, firmly, leaving her beer where she’d left it, trying to get out of the bar as quickly as she could without looking like he was running. She had to get the hell out of there, had to get away from this crazy woman. Sure, it could be true. She _could_ be a hunter like Jo. She could be really trying to help, but she had to get away from her. For all she knew, this woman was part of her past, but…

Panting when she got outside, she started running. She didn’t even know where she was going. She was just running.

Reaching a dead end street, she dashed down the small grassy embankment, and into the trees beyond the edge of town, running. She knew, logically, that running out into the woods by herself was both an overreaction and idiotic, but something about that woman had triggered a feeling of fight or flight.

Or fuck.

And quite frankly, the safest option – the best option, really – was flight.

Heart pounding, lungs burning, she ran. Her arms and legs pumped as she darted between the trees and over bushes and through little valleys, feet hitting hard against the ground as she did. Little branches and leaves caught at her hair and her skin, cutting and tearing a little, but she didn’t care. She had to go, had to run, had to get away from this paranoia, this fear, this frustration, this insane desire to pin her against the wall and fuck her til it hurt.

Crashing down a small hill, she lost her footing, crashing through the shrubs as she tried to get back up and stop her tumble, but didn’t manage to until she caught a branch, and stopped barely before she tumbled into the river.

“Fuck, that was – that was close,” Jo gasped, alarmed.

“No kidding.”

She looked up, sharply, startled. Apparently she had not, in fact, grabbed a hold of a tree branch as she had thought, but rather, had grabbed ahold of a wrist – the wrist of her strange stalker from the bar. “Oh shit.”

“C’mon, give me some help with this,” she struggled to help her up.

Jo reluctantly stood, holding onto a tree, trying to make sure she was steady before she let go of the other, if only because she didn’t really want to tumble into the river again. “…how did you get here?”

“You took off towards the river. I took a short cut.”

Her brows furrowed, not really believing that. “Right. Well. Thanks. Go away.”

She smirked, snorting, and rubbed at her wrist where Jo had grabbed her, then offered Jo her hand. “My name is Ruby. I’m a friend of your mother’s.”

Jo stopped dead at that, head snapping up. “…my mother?”

She nodded. “Ellen and I have worked together before. Last I saw her, she still thought you were dead. She was worried.”

She keened, softly. “Do you know how to contact her?”

“No,” Ruby hesitated. “But I have some friends who might. I’ll talk to them, see what I can do. I really _do_ want to help you, though, Jo. It’s hard to hunt alone, especially when you don’t have any weapons.”

“I have…” she hesitated, not sure she wanted to tell her about the knife.

“Come on.” She offered the other woman her hand. “I’ll help you back up the hill, we can head back into town. If you want… I know of a hunt.”

Jo flicked her eyes to the other woman’s face, but didn’t take her hand. “I’m fine. A hunt, huh?”

Ruby nodded. “Come on.”

\---

The relief that flooded through Jo as she settled the Winchester rifle against her shoulder, lifting it to peer along the barrel, considering the aim, was something that she never would have considered possible. It wasn’t just a feeling of ‘oh, I have done this before’. It was a complete surge of rightness and normalcy that flowed through her veins like magic, and she sighed in relief. Spotting along the rifle, she finally lowered it, holding it naturally at her side, relaxed. “Nice rifle.”

“Glad you like it,” Ruby smirked, fussing with the clip for her 357 Smith and Wesson, then tucked it into the back of her belt. “You ready?”

“Mmh, guess so,” she nodded, tucking the ammunition Ruby handed her into the pocket of her overlarge jacket. “What did you say we were going after, again? Who’s possessed?”

She snorted. “Who said it was a possession?”

“…what else would we be hunting?”

Ruby smirked, laughing. “Oh Jo, Jo, Jo… werewolves? Vampries? Witches? Ghosts? Zombies? Ghouls? Pagan gods? There are hundreds of things that could be threatening humans, not _just_ demons. Sure, a lot of times demons kind of tend to ‘take over’ a lot of hunters attention, because they’re basically the perfect physical representation of real evil, but… there are other things to hunt, Jo.”

“Okay, I stand corrected,” she cleared her throat, awkwardly. “What are we hunting, then?”

“Demons,” Ruby grinned, deviously, and clapped Jo’s shoulder, leading her towards her car, which was a slightly beat up mustard yellow Mustang with black racing stripes. “I was fucking with you. We’ve got some kind of demon running around in the area, killing people in… creative ways.”

“Creative.” Jo repeated.

“Very creative.” She hesitated. “Ever seen the movie _Se7en_?”

“I dunno,” she admitted, setting the rifle in the back seat before clambering into the front passenger seat. “I might have. I don’t really have the best memory these days. A lot of things are missing.” _And things are there that should not be there_.

“Mmm, well, it’s a serial killer that kills his victims to make each of them emulate one of the seven deadly sins. The final one was rage, he got the detective investigating the case to kill him because of – well, that’s not the point, actually. That has nothing to do with it, actually. The point is that in the movie, he kills people based on the seven deadly sins. These… I think _are_ the seven deadly sins. Well, one of them.”

“…which one?” Jo asked, crinkling her nose.

“Check in the glove box,” Ruby started the engine, and pulled out of the parking lot.

Opening the box, she tugged out a manila folder that looked like crime scene photos, and sure enough, the contents appeared to be exactly that. Flicking through them, her look of horror and disgust got worse and worse. “Oh my god… the man ate himself to death.”

“Yeah. Gluttony. Ate until his stomach burst.”

“….ew.”

“Yeah.” Ruby sighed, and nodded. “Disgusting, ain’t it? They made one guy drink bleach, apparently.”

“ _Ew_.” She said again. “How do you resist that?!”

“Well, there are anti-possession things you can do… maybe you want to look into getting an anti-possession tattoo, or something, seeing as how you apparently only like hunting demons,” she smirked, amused by that idea. “So look into it.”

“Sure,” she murmured, stuffing the photos back in the glove compartment.

\---

The hunt had been good. Very good.

Assuming the demon had been Gluttony – and after that hunt, Jo was pretty sure Ruby had been right about that – the seven deadly sins were apparently considerably stronger than any other demon she had had the displeasure of encountering before. He had been powerful to the point of making her afraid she’d actually lose this time, and the fight had been hard. Sure, it had come down to an exorcism, but by the time it was over, Jo and Ruby were both bloody, sweaty, muddy, and breathing hard.

And Jo had never wanted to have sex more than she had ever wanted to at this exact moment.

She forced herself to be calm, to be quiet in the car, even as Ruby pulled up in front of the hotel, then cut the engine.

“Good hunt,” Ruby said, quietly.

“Yeah,” Jo nodded, clearing her throat. “Really good hunt. Nice job with the headshot, there.”

“Good plan with the Solomon’s seal at the bottom of the staircase,” she glanced at her, grinning. “Made for a great tactic – throw the sucker down the staircase, and _boom_ , down for the count. You did a good job, there, with that exorcism.”

She snorted. “You weren’t even there, Ruby. I dunno where you _were_ , but…”

“Scouting the perimeter to make sure he didn’t have any reinforcements,” she laughed softly. “But it worked, didn’t it? So you had to do a good job with the exorcism. Logically.”

“Logic, sure,” Jo stretched.

“Hoo…” she sighed, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, glancing at the front foyer of the hotel. “Ever notice that really good hunts get you all keyed up and… wired? Like ready to jump someone and just… fuck their brains out?”

“That’s adrenaline for you.” She smirked slightly.

“True enough,” she hesitated. “We _are_ right by a hotel…”

“Sorry.” Jo smiled faintly, and for a genuine moment, she actually _did_ feel sorry for it. “I meant it when I said that I had already found the woman of my dreams.”

“…and?”

Jo blinked at her, confused.

“I’m not suggesting we get _together_ , or get married. I’m suggesting we go upstairs into one of those hotel rooms, and have sex. Simple. So. Wanna go in?”

“Can’t,” she smiled faintly. “I can’t.”

“Whipped,” she rolled her eyes, and reached over to abruptly reach in Jo’s pocket, ignoring her squawk of protest, and just tugged her cell phone out of her pocket, flicking it open to the keyboard and typing rapidly for a few seconds, then handed it back. “There, you have my number. I’ll call you, or you can call me, or text. I’ll let you know if I can find a way to talk to your mother.”

“…thanks,” she murmured, and slipped out of the car.

Ruby watched her walk around the car, and when Jo hesitated to raise her hand in greeting, the woman in the car blew her a sarcastic kiss, then started the engine, and drove out of the parking lot.

Jo sighed, shakily, and headed upstairs, taking the elevator this time.

Crawling into bed with her girlfriend a few minutes later, naked except for her panties, she smiled faintly when Jess’ eyes cracked open, gently, looking confused. “Hi, muffin, sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep.”

“Mm, don’t wanna,” Jess squirmed closer to her, kissing Jo softly. “Mmm… nakeds.”

She closed her eyes, shivering. “Jess…”

“Love you, Jo,” she murmured, gently cupping her jaw and kissing her, softly, gently. It was all softness and love, like liquid sunshine pooled around them. It wasn’t the passion and fire she’d pictured just an hour before with a different blond, but… it was good. It was safe. And it was comfortable.

And that was good.        
  
[Part Six](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/38202.html)  
 

 

  



	6. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Six

  
  


“I’ve never been on a double date before,” Jo admitted, standing still as Jess fussed with the little rhinestone’d bobby pins that she had _tried_ to put in her own hair, but apparently hadn’t done it properly. Or so said Jess. “Is it really that big of a deal?”

“It’s a very big deal,” she grinned. “For other people. For us, it’s just gonna be fun. And getting you to know my friends a little better… I think you need more friends than just me.”

“Oh, are you trying to set me up?” she smirked, arching a brow.

Jess snorted, apparently finished with the pins, and stepped back. “Only in a technical sort of sense. I don’t want to lose my little sunshine. Besides, we’ll have fun… ready?”

She nodded.

“Okay. They won’t bite, I promise.” She grinned, taking Jo’s hand and tugging her into the little restaurant they’d been standing outside of, looking around for a moment, then tugged her towards the back corner, where a couple were sitting in a booth, waiting for them.

“Nice to see you two,” Lily beamed at them, as they slid into the bench across from theirs.

Bela smiled at them both, grinning. “I do believe you two get more perfectly suited every time I see you.”

Jo blinked, surprised at the flattery.

“And _you_ get ever the more silver tongued,” Jess smirked, amused. “I think, Bela dear, that in a different life, you must have been a jewel thief. Or a politician.”

Lily laughed softly, leaning on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Well, she’s good at stealing. Hearts, for one.”

Jo snorted.

“Yeah, totally,” Jess laughed. “Even for you, Lily, that’s kinda flowery and girly.”

She flushed, still curled into Bela’s side. “Well, maybe my Bela brings out the best in me. Speaking of… that wedding was nice, wasn’t it? I hope ours will be as nice.”

“Oooh!” Jess leaned forward. “Did you set a date?!”

Lily beamed, and started telling Jess all the details in rapid fire, leaving Jo feeling slightly confused and dizzy at the velocity of it. She glanced at Bela, who smiled sympathetically, and asked, lowly, “So how are things going, Jo?”

She shrugged, glancing at Jess, smiling softly. “…good.”

“Freaked out about the baby thing?” she guessed, smiling faintly.

“A little freaked out to see what it’ll mean,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s… a little out of my depth. I have no idea how to deal with the idea of being a mother, even if I’m not the one delivering it.”

Bela nodded, smiling softly. “It’ll be okay.”

\---

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” Ruby smirked, pushing herself off the side of her car, thumbs still hooked in her pockets as she considered Jo. It was a distinctly devious look she gave the other woman, like she was planning on ravishing her with her eyes. “Your girlfriend must be about to pop.”

“They’re inducing her on Monday if she doesn’t go into labour soon. But I’m not here for that. You said you had a hunt.”

“I do,” Ruby agreed, nodding. 

“Then let’s get on this hunt, then.” She climbed into the front passenger seat, slamming the door behind her. Now that they were back in California, she had her knife back, tucked in her boot, this time, strapped in place with a short belt. It wouldn’t be as easy to get to or pull out, but it was better hidden, she thought. Safer. Still, she was relieved to see that Ruby had several rifles I the back seat. The knife was good for close range, but useless at a distance.

“Your wish is my command, mistress,” Ruby drawled, mischievously, and pulled out of the convenience store parking lot she had parked in to wait for Jo.

Flushed slightly, she asked, “What are we hunting, again?”

“A witch.”

“….a witch.” She repeated, confused.

Ruby glanced at Jo in the rearview mirror, frowning. “Well, you know about witches, right?”

“All honesty… I have no idea about anything about witches. I don’t even know if I ever encountered them before the accident.”

Ruby’s eyes flicked to her at that comment. “Witches have their powers because they sell their souls to demons. So if you track a witch to their source, you might be able to track the demon that gives them their power. Speaking of that accident, Jo… what happened? What was the accident?”

She hesitated, biting her lip. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” Ruby frowned, looking displeased by that. “What happened to you?”

“According to the doctors, I had a traumatic brain injury, police think that someone cracked me over the head with something, you know, attacked. At first, I thought I remembered a werewolf. Big, hulking… wolf.” She hesitated. “But I’ve been trying to remember it. Jess says I shouldn’t, says it’s something traumatic that my brain clearly doesn’t want to remember for a reason, but I have to know, I have to figure out what’s in my brain. So I’ve been trying to figure it out.”

“And you don’t think it was a werewolf?”

“No. I’ve been doing some research, and… I think I was attacked by hellhounds.”

“And you _lived_?” Ruby gaped at her.

“Apparently,” she laughed softly, and tugged up the hem of her t-shirt, exposing the dog bite scars on her stomach. “See? Looks like I was mauled by some giant dog, right? I remember the attack, sort of, and I remember my mother being there,” she murmured.

“No wonder your mother is worried about you,” Ruby blinked.

“Yeah,” Jo sighed, tugging her shirt back down, glowering out the window, considering the dark road passing them by. “And ever since, my memory has been… uncooperative. And I’m doing things that I would never do normally… like sneaking out on my pregnant girlfriend in the middle of the night to go hunting with a woman who wants to jump my bones.”

The other smirked. “You want me.”

“That’s not the point,” Jo muttered, displeased.

Ruby grinned, crookedly. “I think it’s a brilliant point. I want you, you want me… simple solution is to fuck and get it over with. Deal?”

“Not happening,” she rolled her eyes. “Just… take me to the hunt.”

“You’ll change your mind,” she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, smirking slightly. “Besides, if you’re having memory problems, maybe you’re remembering things wrong, after all. Maybe you are actually a cold hearted bitch who forgoes emotional relationships to hunt, in the line of duty. Maybe the part of you that wants to hide out in a safe little condo with a safe little girlfriend and a baby is the part of you that’s a lie.”

Jo winced. “No.”

But the thing was, Ruby could have been right. For all she knew, that _was_ the truth. Jo had no idea who she was, had no idea who she used to be. All she knew was what little information she’d been fed, and that the only meaningful relationship she could remember was with the woman she was currently leaving behind in her bed. God.

“Suit yourself,” she shrugged, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “Ready to kill this demon bitch?”

Jo smirked slightly, pleased. “Fuck, yes.”

As it turned out, tracking backwards from the witch to the demon who supplied their powers was considerably harder than Ruby had implied it might be, but it could be done, through some fancy little spell work and a bit of work, they had managed to track down the slippery son of a bitch.

She couldn’t remember ever being part of a Mexican standoff. But there Jo stood with her Winchester rifle aimed at the forehead of a terrified looking, middle aged witch, who was balding and potbellied, dressed in a cheap polyester sweater vest and looking like he was about to piss his pants. Ruby had a 387 Revolver pressed to the temple of the witch’s wife – whose eyes were completely jet black. She was grinning, with the look that she was going to _enjoy_ this.

“ _Exorcizamus te, omni-“_ Jo started, teeth grit.

“No!” Ruby gasped, eyes wide. “You can’t do – not right now.”

“We _have_ the demon right here!” she gestured to the woman at the end of the other woman’s gun. “We have to exorcise her now before she leaves the body!”

“Yes, _do_ let her perform the exorcism, Ruby.” The demon woman drawled, metaphorical venom dripping from her lips. “It’s only the smart thing to do, isn’t it? Wise thing to do.”

“No.” Ruby said quickly.

“Ruby, we _have_ to do it!” she snapped, adrenaline surging through her body.

“Why don’t you tell her why you _don’t_ want to do it, Ruby, darling?” the demon drawled, pleased. “Why don’t you tell her? Why don’t you tell her that you don’t want to be taken out of _your_ body either?”

“Shut up,” Ruby snarled.

“…what is she talking about, Ruby?” Jo demanded.

“Nothing,” she snapped. “Shut up.”

“She’s a demon, too, Joanna,” the demon drawled, smirking. “Just like me. Deep and dark and evil…”

“Shut! Up!” Ruby roared.

“ _Christo_!” Jo snapped, and watched in horror as both woman shook, eyes flicking black. “Ruby, what the _fuck_ is this – “

“We’ll talk about this later! Do it!”

“ _Exorcizamus te –_ “ Jo started, quickly, more than willing to perform the exorcism now that she apparently had _permission_ to do it, but when she started, the demon roared, leaping for her, knocking the rifles aside as she leapt for Jo’s face, long nails bared like claws.

“No!” Ruby threw herself between them, knocking Jo back and out of the way as she bolted into the demon’s path, letting out a shout of pain as the demon’s fingernails dug into her shoulders, drawing blood. “Get back, Jo! Get out of the way!”

Tumbling back, she crashed into a side table, letting out a shout of pain as it broke under her.

As the witch bolted from the room, trailing a track of urine behind him as he ran, the demon snarled at Ruby, teeth bared in an animalistic grin. “What did you think, Ruby, that this was going to be a cute little romance story, where the demon falls for the human hunter girl, and their love conquers the species boundary, and together they rid of world of all of the other demons? Come now… even _you_ can’t be that idealistic. She’s going to kill you, then she’s going to go back to her beautiful human girlfriend, and then I’m going to enjoy ripping your soul apart in hell. Again. Did you really think you – “

The demon screamed in agony as Jo plunged her knife into its back, and the demon burned from the inside out.

Gasping, Ruby threw the empty corpse off of herself, and scrambled back to sit up, eyes wide as she gaped at Jo, panting. “…are you going to kill me too?”

Jo considered her, silently.

“…Jo?”

Sighing, she held out her hand, waiting til Ruby grabbed her hand, then tugged the woman up. “You lied to me.”

“…technically.” Ruby murmured, lifting her chin, refusing to show weakness.

“You’re a demon.” She growled.

“Yes.” She swallowed. “I am. I’m a demon. But I didn’t hurt you, and I used my knowledge to kill the demons. I remember what it’s like to be human. I remember what it’s like to be hunted, and tricked, and to _die_ because some bastard of a creature decided it would be funny to play with a little human’s life. I really _do_ want to help you kill them all. There’s some kind of plot going, and… I don’t have much information, but… I have my ear to the ground. I can help.”

“You saved my life,” Jo said bluntly. “No demon has ever saved a human’s life.”

She shrugged with one shoulder. “I told you. I remember what it’s like to be human. I’m going to save you, if I have the chance.”

“Why?”

“I told you. I know what it’s like to be human. Hell usually burns that out of you. But I remember.”

“That’s a bull shit reason.”

Ruby flushed, frustrated. “Fine. Because I know the end of time is coming. They’re bringing on the apocalypse, and I don’t really like the idea of the entire world dying in flame and fire and screaming. Hell is _hell_ , and I don’t want to drag everyone there, because if they do…” she hesitated. “I would be trapped there forever, and I don’t want that to happen. On earth, I can take a body, and walk around. That’s what I want. The life I was cheated out of. And if that life can, in any way, involve the massacre and bloody destruction of as many demons as it can…. Then that makes my feeble little life so much better.”

Jo nodded, then tangled her fingers in Ruby’s shirt, and forced her back against the wall, slamming the other woman’s back against it.

“Shit!” she gasped. “Jo!”

“Shut up,” Jo growled, and crushed her lips to the demon’s, kissing her fiercely, feverishly, like a woman on a mission.

Ruby groaned, melting.

\---

Rumpled, dirty and sweaty, Jo climbed out of her truck, and darted up the stairs to their apartment, opening the door and slipping inside. Tugging off her jacket, she ruffled out her hair, to make it look a little less like she’d been having messy sex on the floor of a basement, and headed into the bedroom.

And froze.

Jess wasn’t in the bed, and it was a bloody wet mess. Her eyes flicked immediately to the ceiling, terrified, but the woman was, fortunately, not there.

“ _Jess_?!” she howled.

“Jo!” her girlfriend’s voice screamed from the bathroom, and she dashed there, alarmed.

The shower was running, and Jess sat on the floor of the tub, water pounding down on her head, the curtains open so that water and steam filled the bathroom, and made it a wet mess. Jess was naked, hair hanging limply in her eyes, and there was blood in the bottom of the tub, swirling oddly in the water as it rushed to the drain.

“Oh my god, Jess!” she gasped, startled.

“Where the fuck were you?!” the other howled, tears running down her face along with the water. “My water – aaaauuugh! – “ she howled, face contorted in pain, then fought for breath before continuing. “My water broke and I’m in labour and I woke up and you weren’t _there_!”

Jo hesitated, keening softly, worried. She had felt guilty before, but oh _god_ that got ramped back up.

“I need your help, dammit! I know you didn’t ask for this and it isn’t your baby but for god’s sake, Jo, I need you – “

“It is my baby,” she said quickly, kneeling beside the tub, sliding her arms under the other woman’s, tugging her up onto the lip of the tub. “We need to get you dressed and in the truck. We need to get you to the hospital.”

“Not putting clothes on…” she groaned. “Robe.”

“Okay,” Jo said quickly, reaching up to turn the shower off so they didn’t come home to a lake, and besides, she was already soaked, hair hanging in her eyes in vague, wet curls. Looping her arms under Jess’, she carefully pulled her lover out of the tub, trying not to let either of them slip on the slick, wet floor. “Okay, okay… sit on the edge of the tub… careful… I’m gonna grab you a towel.”

Jess reached out, grabbing the front of Jo’s shirt, and tugged her closer. “Look at me.”

“…okay…” she said slowly, surprised.

“If you go out sneaking again, and leave me alone here to panic and bleed alone again, I am going to _skin_ you, okay?”

Jo blinked, clearing her throat. “…sorry, Jess, I – I didn’t mean to – “

“Just don’t do-aaaauuuuugh!” her tirade was broken by a ragged, broken wail as she bent double. Her grip on Jo’s shirt tightened, pulling her closer. “Oh _fuck_ , it hurts!”

“Shit, hun…” she struggled to pull Jess up, holding her close. They were both soaked now, as they stood on the wet floor tiles, but the anger was apparently forgotten as Jo stroked her lover’s wet hair, trying to soothe her. “Do you think you can make it in my truck, or should I call an ambulance?”

“Just get me there before the next contraction,” she panted, trying to grab her robe off the hook on the back of the door.

Jo nodded, and helped the other woman tug the robe on, then out of the bathroom. “Where’d we put the bag? Shit, we packed that damn thing, didn’t we?”

“Hall closet.”

“Right, forgot, shit, I swear my head is not here,” Jo darted into the hall closet, tugging out the duffle, and slung it over her shoulder before returning to help Jess out of the apartment and into the elevator. Once they were inside, she took advantage of the moment of rest to fix Jess’ robe, carefully, so that it actually covered her properly. “We’re dripping everywhere, muffin.”

She laughed, softly, brushing Jo’s hair behind her ears. “Yeah. Just, ah… so you’re warned, I might do more of the yelling.”

“So long as you don’t scream ‘you did this to me’ at me…” Jo smirked faintly, guilt still gnawing away at her insides as she looked up at her lover. “We’ll probably be good.”

Jess snorted.

A few minutes later, they were carefully settled in the truck, the duffle lying on the seat between them as Jo hurried as fast as she dared towards the hospital, grateful they’d driven the route a good half dozen times since they’d moved, just to test how long and how fast they could get there. Practice, as it were. Knuckles white on the steering wheel, Jo glanced at Jess. “How you doing?”

Shivering, Jess murmured, “Having children sucks. My insides are trying to leave my body.”

She laughed softly, flushed. “Well, something on your insides is.”

“Get _out_ , baby,” she grumbled at her stomach, poking at it, wincing. “I want my tummy back.”

Jo snorted.

\---

“If I never see that again, it will be too soon.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Jess drawled softly, voice softly slurred from fatigue and a substantial amount of painkillers. “Just keep doing that, and we’ll be good.”

Jo smirked, still running her fingers through Jess’ hair, rubbing her temple slightly, curled against her lover. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, beside Jess. Their beds weren’t terribly great, but at least they were there together in that terrible little bed. And lying on Jess’ chest, swaddled up in what felt of acres of fabric stamped with baby Eyeores, was a small pink bundle.

Pink and sort of wrinkled, the little baby boy was curled so that his little hand was splayed on Jess’ collarbone, pale eyes closed, shock of kitten soft black hair curling out from under a little blue cap they’d put on his head.

“He’s awfully pink,” Jess murmured, fingers gently running down the little back. “And very small.”

“Long, though,” Jo snickered, considering the little baby.

“Well, considering how very tall his father was, that makes some sense,” Jess said softly, smiling faintly. “He’s a sweet little baby, though, isn’t he?”

“Mmm,” Jo nodded, squirming closer, reaching out to gently touch his little hand. The baby’s hand curled around her finger, automatically, squeezing tightly. “Have you decided what you’re going to name him, yet?”

“Been thinking about that,” Jess murmured. “Thinking of naming him Jonathan.”

“Jonathan?”

“His father’s middle name was Jonathan,” she murmured softly, stroking the baby’s back. “And yeah, he’s gone. And yeah, I’m not thrilled that he’s gone. At all. But I thought, well… his father should still be a part of his life, a little. So I want him to have a connection to his dad.”

“That’s really sweet, Jess,” she murmured, smiling softly.

“But he also needs a connection to his other father,” Jess looked up at Jo, smirking. “So what’s his middle name gonna be, sunshine?”

She flushed. “…really?”

“Uh huh. Pick his name. I mean, you don’t have to pick it right now, you can take some time to – “

“William.”

Jess blinked. “That was quick.”

“Was my dad’s name,” she said gently, flushed, wiggling her finger a little, little Jonathan’s fingers still curled around her finger. “I don’t remember him completely, since there are – well, a lot of things that I don’t remember. But I remember that I miss him. And it’d be nice to honour him, too, even if he’s not related to him at all. Is that… okay?”

“It’s perfect,” she said softly, smiling. “Jonathan William Moore.”

“Johnny Moore,” she grinned. “It’s a cute name.”

“Mm. Is, isn’t it? Speaking of…” Jess squirmed a little in the bed, looking up at Jo. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh oh,” she smirked.

“Ha ha. I think we should head to Lawrence.”

A cold chill ran through her. “…Kansas?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Why?” she whispered, softly.

“Well, for one thing, it’s your hometown,” she laughed softly, smiling.

“Is it?” Jo frowned, trying to remember when exactly she had ever said that. She couldn’t even remember Lawrence all that well, in all honesty. Or… at all. “Okay…”

“And… gay marriage is legal there. I could make you Mrs. Moore.”

Jo blinked. “…huh?”

“Missus Joanna Ellen Moore,” Jess grinned, smile bright, pleased. “What do you think?”

“…did you just ask me to marry you?”

“Maybe.”

“…holy shit.” She breathed.

“So?”

“I – _yes_!” she yelped, smiling broadly. “God, Jess… yeah. I love you. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Jess grinned, delighted.

\---

“Getting married, are you? Naughty, naughty little Jo.”

“Shut up,” she snapped, frustrated.

“Mmm… married woman, soon, bouncing baby on board… oooh, and you named him after your _father_ , too?” Ruby smirked, teeth bared almost animalistically, growling softly under her breath. “Girl… you are _terrible_.”

“Shut. Up.” Jo growled, and slammed Ruby’s back against the wall, her anger only growing as the other blonde laughed, almost pleased.

“C’mon, baby,” the demon growled, pleased. “Take it out on me.”

“There is something _seriously_ fucking wrong with you,” Jo snarled, but slammed her back against the wall again, and kissed her furiously, biting at the other’s lower lip.

Ruby groaned, tugging Jo closer with sharp fingernails dug into her upper arms, grinding against her. Breaking free of the kiss, panting, she buried her face in the crook of Jo’s neck and shoulder, biting fiercely at the hollow of her throat, sucking at the sound, leaving a dark purple mark, actually managing to draw blood.

“No marks!” she gasped, bucking against her, bare knees cut on the gravel scattered on the dirty warehouse floor.

“Your little fiancé isn’t going to see them,” Ruby growled, nipping again, drawing blood. “Trust me, she won’t be in the mood for sex for a long while now, after shoving that watermelon out of her. So let me make all the marks I want… I want to take advantage of the time,” she growled softly, biting her way down Jo’s collarbone, towards her stomach. “I want you to be mine, at least for now…”

“I’ll never be yours,” she groaned, trembling.

“Mine… mine… mine…” Ruby bit at her skin with each word, pushing Jo back until the other let out a yelp, and toppled back to the concrete floor.

Little stones digging into her back, Jo panted, looking up the other, brows furrowed.

“Well. Look at this nice little buffet, all laid out for me,” she smirked, sliding her fingers up the inside of Jo’s bare legs. “I almost think I could do anything I wanted to you…”

“Oh, fuck you, Ruby.” She growled.

“I think, actually, that I’m going to fuck you,” she smirked, and kissed Jo, fiercely, hard enough that the kiss actually split Ruby’s lip, blood slicking between their lips as they kissed.

Jo groaned softly, licking Ruby’s lower lip clean of blood, then hesitated, licking her lips.

“Oooh… kinky little girl,” Ruby smirked, worrying at her lip for a moment, then a large drop of blood slid down off her lip and down towards her jaw, rolling heavy to drip down. “Mmm… taste me, Jo?”

She groaned softly, darting up to kiss her again, desperately, tinged with heavy iron.

\---

“Jo?”

“Mmm?” Jo didn’t even open her eyes, still flopped in the bed, blankets haphazardly scattered around her, relaxed.

“…do you still love me?”

Sighing softly, she rolled over to face Jess, slowly blinking awake, wiping little bits of scratch out of her eyes. “What?”

“Do you still love me?” Jess was sitting up, back against the pillows, Jonathan curled against her chest, and she was feeding him, quietly. She wasn’t even looking at Jo, her eyes were focused on the wall at the end of the bed.

“…of course I do.” She blinked, sitting up, yawning. ”Why would you even ask that?”

Jess looked at her. “You seem… distant.”

“ _Distant_?” she blinked at her, confused. “I’m just tired. Jonathan keeps me awake half the night, and then all the day when he’s wanting boobs and he can’t get boobs cause you’re back at work, that’s all. I’m tired.”

“Yet you seem to have all the time in the world to go out to the bar, or whatever it is you’re doing at night,” she murmured.

Jo flushed, looking down at her hands. “…I thought you said you wanted me to have friends, so I’d have more than just you to hang out with.”

“Yeah, true, but…” Jess hesitated. “…are you hunting?”

She froze, then slowly murmured, “…sometimes. Yes. I – sometimes I do.”

“I thought so.” She closed her eyes. “I thought you promised… you said you’d never do it again, Jo. You said you would never mess with that world again.”

“I – I tried, it’s just… harder.”

“You expect me to believe that?” she looked up, disbelieving. “Just _leave_ it, Jo! Just stop hunting these things! Why would you ever want to hunt monsters and demons?!”

“I have to do it, Jess.” She said, flushed. “I have to hunt things. I have to save people.”

“How many people do you really think you’re saving, doing this?!”

_A woman, screaming as she held her in place so her brother could stab her. A woman’s eyes rolling back in her head as she burned out the demon hiding in her body. A nurse, sobbing and begging to be saved from her as she advanced on her with her knife. Her mother, sobbing, holding her close as she set the bombs. Bela, crying out in agony as the hell hounds descended on her. Madison looking up at her with tears in her eyes as she held the gun to her forehead. Lily hanging from the windmill, like a broken rag doll. Jake staring up at her with blank eyes as she fired again and again and again into him. John Winchester lying on the floor at the foot of a hospital bed as she dropped her coffee cup, dashing to his side. Her brother’s charred corpse buried in the ashes of her home. Two women, burning on the ceiling of a nursery, blood spilling out of their bellies. They kept tumbling in, more and more and more and more_ ….

Jonathan was screaming.

Coming back to herself, slowly, Jo realized that she was freezing, shivering, every bit of her skin covered in goose bumps as she stared into the darkness at the foot of her bed, unable to move in the slightest. She felt like a statue, like a victim of a Gorgon, encased forever as marble.

“ _Jo? Jo_?” Jess was wailing at her, and slowly she blinked. “Look at me!”

Turning her head slowly, surprised that bits of her weren’t flaking down to the bed as she did as she felt like a statue cracking apart to move, Jo rasped, voice like a whisper from the grave, “Jess?”

“Oh thank god,” she groaned, hands almost hot enough to burn cupping her jaw, hot forehead pressed against hers. Slowly, her vision returned, and Jo realized that Jess was sitting in front of her, holding her, and the sound of the screaming was coming from the bassinet at the end of the bed Jess had set up for him to rest in whenever she had him here, and not in his nursery. “You scared me, sunshine…”

“…not enough…” she murmured.

“…what?” she asked, confused. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.”

“Jo?” Jess frowned, squirming a little closer to her, lifting Jo’s head so she had to look her in the eyes, alarmed that her eyes were slightly glazed over. “Sunshine, look at me. What do you mean?”

“You asked… how many I save…” Jo whispered, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. “ _Not enough_.”       
  
[Part Seven](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/38540.html)

 

  



	7. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Seven

  
  


“Here.” Jess sat on the edge of the couch, holding Jo’s serrated knife, pressing it firmly into her lover’s hand, holding Jo’s fingers in place so that the knife didn’t drop to the floor, or hurt someone. “I found this in the truck. Take it. Go hunting. Maybe it’ll help.”

Jo shook her head, silently.

“Baby, sunshine… _please_ …” Jess’ eyes were wet. “You’re scaring me…”

“Jake snapped Ava’s neck,” she murmured, eyes still blank. “She was summoning demons, so he snapped her neck before she could stab me… it’s my fault she died. If I hadn’t been there, if she hadn’t been trying to kill _me_ , she would have lived…”

“ _Jo_ ,” Jess said firmly, pressing her forehead to Jo’s. “Stop it! It’s not your fault she died, because she isn’t _dead_! She _married_ Jake! Remember? Four months ago, in Cold Oaks.”

“He killed her in Cold Oaks…”

“ _No_. He didn’t. Look at me, Jo!” she stopped trying to get the other woman to hold the knife, and actually tossed it to the floor, where it clattered away, skittering across the wooden floor boards. “You _need_ to stop blaming yourself. You’re not to blame. Their own actions did it to them. Understand?”

“My fault…” she murmured, voice hollow.

“He _wins_ if you do this!” she howled. Tears were pouring down Jess’ face, but her expression was one of fierce determination. “Don’t _let_ him win! Don’t let him do that to you, do you understand?! Don’t you _dare_ give up now!”

“She died… I killed him… that’s my fault too…”

“One round! Stay in here, with _me_ , where it’s good, and we have _hope_ , Jo. Don’t let him win, if he wins, we all go _back_.”

“I don’t understand…” Jo whispered, finally meeting her eyes. “I _don’t understand_.”

There was a loud pounding on the door, and Jess swore, violently, blue eyes flicking to the door. “Stay here, sunshine. I’m going to check.”

“No,” she whispered, brows furrowed. Jo had a deep sense of foreboding. “Please…”

“Be right back,” she said quickly, and stood, walking away. There was hushed conversation at the door, then Jess returned – with Ruby walking behind her, looking anxious. “Jo?” Jess asked, frowning. “Ruby’s here.”

“You’re not supposed to – ever…” Jo whispered, trembling. “Never _meet_.”

“What’d you _do_ to her?” Ruby snapped at Jess, pissed.

“Stay the fuck out of our lives, Ruby,” Jess snarled, teeth bared at her. “We never wanted you to be here.”

“….you know each other?” Jo murmured.

“No,” they both snapped at the same moment, but the furious hatred in their eyes as they glowered at each other said differently. They knew each other. Hated each other.

“Ruby…” Jo sat up, properly.

The other woman’s eyes flicked towards her, meeting her eyes.

_She threw her back against the wall, smashing into the clock and breaking it, and Ruby screamed as the black cloud, like a swarm of infernal insects, were torn from inside of her, and burned back to hell._

“Fuck!” Jo gasped, scrambling back.

“Shit…” Jess swooped down to crouch beside her again, patting Jo’s cheek, trying to get her to calm down, to face her. “Look at me, baby, look at me… don’t look at her. It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just – it’s a vision, it’s okay…”

“I don’t know why you’re trying to fight this, sister.” Ruby crossed her arms over her chest. “We already know how this is going to end.”

“Fuck off,” she snarled, spinning to glower at the demon over her shoulder.

Watching her lover, her fiancé, Jo honestly had no idea who the evil behind her loves eyes was. Jess was sweetness and light with a backbone. This woman snarling up at Ruby was sharp and angled and… _broken_ , somehow. Desperate. Like the musicians on the Titanic, playing though she knew the ship was sinking, trying to fix something she already knew was too far broken to keep.

“The devil’s come down to Georgia, baby, and your father’s plan is smashed to smithereens. Give it up, babe, and throw in the towel. Ding ding, rounds over.”

Jess bent slightly, as though picking something up off the floor, though she kept her hand hidden under the coffee table. “Go away, Ruby. Let us live in peace. We deserve this. We deserve the chance we never got because of _you_ and your fucking _plan_.”

“Your father fucked up, honey.” Ruby arched a brow. “He thought he was making an army for himself. He never knew the endgame. Special children… ha. A group of special children? Really? You know it was going to be – “

Before she could finish her sentence, Jess bolted from the couch, and plunged the knife into Ruby’s belly.

Ruby gasped, flames flickering behind her eyes, in her mouth, through her skin.

“Give us… a reprieve.” Jess snarled, eyes flickering, almost black. “I know I’m delaying the inevitable. I don’t care. I need… just… a little longer…”

“She’ll find out…” she gasped, starting to sag. “You can’t hide forever… Meg…”

“Jess.” Her eyes flickered, for one moment, yellow. “It’s _Jess_.”

\---

_I can feel him._

_Oh, god! You’ve got to go now! Come on! Go now, Sammy. Now!_

\---

Jo’s eyes snapped open, and she bolted up in bed, gasping, trembling.

“Sunshine?” Jess murmured, eyes barely cracked open as she considered her, curls hanging in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Trembling, Jo looked down at her stomach, where her lover’s hand was curled over her stomach, and slowly laid back down, letting Jess draw her closer and hold her gently. Confused, she curled into the other’s chest, letting Jess even tuck her head under her chin. “I had a weird nightmare,” she murmured.

“Yeah?” she stroked her lover’s back, gently.

“Yeah… a weird one. You… stabbed Ruby.” Jo frowned, confused.

There was a slight hesitation in the stroking, then Jess continued it again, softly. “Who’s Ruby?”

“Friend… haven’t seen her in awhile.”

“Seems like an awfully odd dream, then, if I’m apparently stabbing people I’ve never even met, and you haven’t even seen in a long time. How strange.”

“Yeah,” Jo laughed softly, sighing.

“Not getting cold feet, are you?” Jess smiled, kissing her forehead, softly.

“Cold feet?”

“A month from today, we’re in Kansas getting married, remember?” she smirked. “Don’t tell me this nightmare is caused by the whole ‘yellow versus blue’ decision for your dress.”

“I hate dresses,” she said automatically, trying to remember this conversation happening.

“Mmm, so you said when I brought it up the first time,” she sighed softly. “But you can’t really wear plaid, can you?”

Jo frowned, brows furrowed. “Guess not.”

“Sunshine?” she sat up, frowning down at her, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

She tapped her forehead. “Feel like I’m losing things again.”

“Shit…” she breathed, and bent to kiss Jo’s forehead, softly, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “It’s going to be okay. A few little memory problems isn’t going to stand in the way of our happiness, right?”

“No,” she said, quickly. “Of course not.”

“We have so little time…”

She looked up, frowning. “We do?”

“…in the grand scheme of things.” Jess flushed slightly, stroking Jo’s jaw. “Our lives are so short, we catch so little…”

“I guess that’s true,” she admitted, then murmured, “Did we rush this a little?”

“No.” she said quickly. “ _No_. It’s perfect. I need to marry you now.”

“Okay,” Jo murmured, smiling up at Jess, softly, reaching up to slide her hand up the other’s arm, over her shoulder, then cupped her neck, gently. “You’re beautiful. Like you’re made of sunshine, golden and warm.”

She laughed softly, smiling gently down at her. “You have the soul of a poet.”

“I have a fine muse,” she smiled back. “I wish…”

“Don’t wish,” Jess murmured, softly. “Let’s not reach higher than we deserve. This… this is more than we ever could have had before. And it’s perfect, isn’t it?”

“It’s funny,” Jo murmured, twirling a loose curl of Jess’ golden hair around one of her fingers, mapping her face with her eyes. “Whenever I’m with you, I start to feel like… like I’ve been given a second chance, like this is my moment to do all the things I never got a chance to do, before. Like I could lose this all at any moment if I slip up, because the hounds are coming to get me.”

A flash of darkness flitted through the other’s eyes, then she bent to kiss Jo, gently, reverently.

“I love you,” she whispered against the other woman’s lips. “Can we – it feels like the last night of my life.”

“It isn’t,” Jess murmured, as though trying to convince them both, and shifted to kneel over her, sheets sliding off of her as she straddled Jo’s hips, smiling softly at her. “But if you want to live like it is…”

“Take me away, angel.” She whispered.

\---

“Jonathan…” Jo crooned, softly, rocking in the chair in the corner of the nursery, little boy cradled in the crook of her arm, wiggling her fingers at him. He squealed in laughter, reaching for her fingers, kicking his legs in the air. “Yes, it’s daddy, yes it is…”

“Ah…” he strained to reach her fingers, then abruptly lost interest in them as he realized he had his own hands, and stuffed his left one in his mouth, making her snort.

“You are absolutely adorable,” Jess smirked, standing in the doorway, arms crossed as she leaned on the doorjamb, watching them. “He likes his hand, huh?”

“When he’s not singing,” she smirked. “Got the bottle?”

“Mmhmm,” Jess stepped forward, offering the plastic bottle. “Here, you want to feed him?”

“Hey, I want to take care of my son, too,” she smiled, humming softly. “Take your hand out of your mouth, Jonathan, sweetpea, we need to fly the airplane into the hanger…”

He dropped his hand, but just sort of looked confused, bright green eyes blinking up at her.

Smiling, she made fake airplane noises, then swooped the bottle down to let him latch on, grinning as his eyes lit up in understanding, and he grabbed onto the bottle as well, struggling to hold the bottle himself as he sucked hard on it, though she kept holding it up for him, convinced it would roll away if she tried to remove her hand. “He must look a lot like his father, huh?”

“Yeah…” Jess sat on the arm of the rocking chair, watching them both. “Dark hair, green eyes…”

“But he has your nose,” Jo smirked, pleased.

Laughing softly, she shook her head, leaning on the other’s shoulder. “And your smirk. It’s kind of odd, isn’t it, babe? But he does.”

“He does _not_ have my smirk,” she laughed, but wiggled her fingers at him, smiling.

“Does so,” she smiled, curled into Jo’s side, stroking her hair, quietly, watching her son. “He is going to be a beautiful man, when he grows up. I wish I could…”

Jo looked up at her, curiously.

“Wish I could see it now, instead of waiting.” Jess murmured softly, flushed, stroking her hair, still.

She was fairly damn sure that _wasn’t_ what her lover had meant.

Jonathan pushed the bottle away, swatting at Jo’s hands with his palms, letting out a yelp of displeasure. Kicking and thrashing at the air, he let out little high pitched cries, wriggling. She shifted him, carefully, onto her shoulder to pat his back, softly. He hiccupped, letting out a soft burp, then kicked his feet again, squealing in glee.

Laughing, she settled him in a different arm this time, and wiggled her left hand at him.

Eyes slightly crossed, trying to focus on her hands, Jonathan reached his little arms up to wrap chubby fingers around hers, tugging her hand down to him, sucking on the ring on her ring finger. “Should I be stopping him from doing that?” Jo laughed softly, glancing up at Jess.

“Naw… it’s metal. It should be okay, he’ll be touching lots of metal for years. Rest of his life, really.” Jess smiled. “And I like that ring, too.”

Jo snorted. “Cause you gave it to me, goof. It looks so… _familiar_ , though.”

“Well, yeah, cause you’ve been wearing it for over a month, hun.” Jess smirked, kissing her forehead.

“No, not what I meant…” She considered the thick, silver band, plain with a groove in the centre of it. “It looks really familiar, like I know someone who has worn it before…”

“I doubt it,” she smiled, flushed. “Now… let’s put baby boy to bed, shall we?”

“Yeah?” she looked up.

“Yeah. Then I think we should put ourselves to bed,” Jess grinned.

“Minx.”

“You love it.”

\---

Frowning, Jo sorted carefully through the discount bin of panties, trying to find something that didn’t look ridiculous but also didn’t cost a lot. She needed them for her honeymoon – apparently – so while Jess was spending the day at the doctors with Jonathan, she was taking advantage of the time to find something to wear when they went to Lawrence.

Picking out a lacey pair, she considered them, nose crinkling.

“Pardon for interrupting you, but…” a dark haired woman stepped up beside her, smiling faintly. She looked amused, almost like it was a perpetual expression of snickering. “It’s really not you.”

“…bad choice, huh?” she sighed, and flicked them back in the bin. “Shit. There’s nothing good in here.”

The woman laughed softly, and asked, “Trust me?”

“Yeah, sure, why not, you probably know what you’re talking about. I can’t do this… stuff.” She scowled, following the brunette to another bin – _not_ discount.

“So… this is for your honeymoon, right?” she smirked at her.

Jo blinked at her. “…how did you know?”

“I’m good at knowing these sorts of things,” she smirked, amused, and held up a full pair – boy shorts, a smooth cup simple bra, and a soft sheer teddy. It was a wine coloured set, and while very simple, it was also silky and looked beautifully sultry. “I think this one would look good on you.”

“…do I know you?” Jo’s brows furrowed, eyes narrowed.

“We’ve met,” she smirked slightly.

“Oh yeah? Something recent? Or a long time ago? Because I’m not terribly good at remembering things that happened more than very recently…” Her fingers were trailing around the back of her own waistband, just brushing the handle of her knife, slightly, wanting to reassure herself that it was, in fact, still there. The fact that the wicked weapon was still hiding under her plaid flannel shirt gave her a huge sense of safety and security.

“Fairly recent…”

“Oh yeah?” Jo narrowed her eyes, trying to place the other’s face. There was something vagely familiar about her, but she couldn’t place what it was, exactly. “What, at Ava’s wedding or something?”

She grinned. “Yeah, I think that was it.”

“Hn.” She considered her for another moment, then plucked the set from the other’s hands. “I’ll take this I guess.”

“You need to try it _on_ , Jo,” she drawled.

Nodding, she headed for the change rooms, not even noticing until the other woman was actually following her into the little booth itself that she had used her name – and Jo had never given it to her. “Hold on - “ she started, then let out a soft yelp of alarm when she found herself pinned against the mirror on the back wall, wide eyed. “Woah!”

“Ruby,” she drawled. “I am Ruby.”

Jo didn’t hesitate. She cracked her forehead off the other woman’s, then jerked her knife out of the back of her jeans as the other woman stumbled back, and as Ruby started forward again, the blond whipped her knife up to hold against her throat. “Come one step closer, and I kill you.”

She hesitated, frowning. “I don’t want to be stabbed again, thank you.”

“…again?” she repeated, frowning.

“Yes, _again_ , your girlfriend – sorry, your _fiancé_ – stabbed me in your living room, remember?” she glowered at Jo for a moment, then her expression softened somewhat. “No, you _don’t_ remember, do you? Your memory is still screwing up, isn’t it? I keep expecting him to fix that…”

“I don’t…”

“I know.” Ruby smirked slightly, and stepped forward again, knocking the blade aside.

“No, stop,” she jerked the knife back up again.

“Don’t be an idiot, Jo. It’s me,” her eyes flickered black for a short moment, then she kissed her, firmly, demanding.

\---

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

The confessional booth was dark and almost too warm, so that it felt like she could fall asleep if she closed her eyes. Kneeling on the plush covered bench at the base of the screen, she rested her elbows on the rest as she fiddled with the rosary wrapped around her fingers, trying not to look through the wicker screen at the man on the other side.

“And what are your sins, my child?” Father Winchester said softly from the other side of the screen.

“Adultery, lust, murder… cavorting with demons.” She said softly, flushed, squeezing the beads tighter in her fingers. “Blasphemy… other sins I don’t quite remember, but know are wrong.”

There was a long moment of silence from the other side of the screen, then he said slowly, “Surely you cannot confess sins you don’t remember.”

“Right.” Jo whispered, biting her lip. “Well… I _do_ remember some of them. I’ve done _terrible_ things. There’s this… guilt… eating away inside me. I mean… I don’t do this… confession thing. I know I go to mass every Sunday and I do all that stuff right and everything, but… I don’t remember _ever_ going to church before I met you, and I know I’m trying to be good, but…”

“My child…” he murmured softly.

“I know too much! Exorcisms, rosaries, blessings that aren’t just blessings – for fucks – I mean… for Pete’s sake… I know how to make holy water, how to bless salt and metals! I know that’s not normal! And I have a knife… it – it kills demons.”

“Joanna,” he sighed softly. Confessionals were supposed to be private, confidential. But Father John was, if one thing, not an idiot. “We discussed this… demons aren’t really about to – “

“I’ve killed them, Father!” she cried, knuckles white on her rosary beads. “I’ve – I’ve dabbled with them.”

There was a long moment of silence, then in an almost dangerous sounding voice, he asked, “And what, my child, do you exactly mean by that?”

Jo shivered. _That_ was the voice she associated with the vague recollection of John Winchester she had in her mind. “I hunted with them. Well, one of them. I thought she was – I thought she was different. She talked about remembering what it was like to be human, what it was like to be the plaything of demons, she said she wanted to help. But she didn’t – I mean, she – we did evil things, father. I thought I was helping, that it was okay, because she was helping me do something that was… good, but… but she is – I’m starting to remember more. I think this has happened before.”

“That’s not possible…”

“What isn’t possible anymore?” Jo shifted closer to the screen, laying her hand flat against it. “Father Winchester… do you have sons?”

“We have talked about this before, my child, only those in my flock…”

“Two.” She cut across him. “Dean and Sam. And sometimes a third one, I think, but that gets confusing, because he is dead and not and… I don’t understand that yet. But two sons. I knew them. I _knew_ them. They were with me the day I died.”

“You didn’t _die_ , Joanna. You almost did, but you recovered, remember?”

“No.” She murmured. “I don’t.”

“Joanna Harvelle, do _not_ question this. I beg of you. Leave it in the Lord’s hands, _please_.”

She hesitated, slowly looking up, vaguely able to see the priest through the screen. “…you know, too. Ruby knows, Jess… I am sure that Jess knows. Something happened, something _is_ happening, and you all know about it.”

“No. No, Joanna, do not question this.” He said firmly, quickly. There was a touch of panic to his voice. “Please.”

“What happens if I do, Father? If I question this… if I get close to the answer… what happens to me?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered.

“…what happens to everyone else?”

He made a soft sound of distress, then said, “To _us_ , I don’t know. To everyone else… beyond this place…”

“This place?” she repeated, softly, feeling cold inside.

“Jo. Please.”

“Father…”

“No more questions, _please_.” Even through the screen, she could see that he was trembling. “No more. For the love of all that is Holy, _no more questions_. I need you to be safe and strong and… in control. Do not let any others come into control of you or your life, Jo. Stay away from demons, and… go home. Kiss your girlfriend and thank _God_ you have her back. Let her live, let you live… take care of that son you never had last time. _Go_.”

“I don’t under – “

“ _Go_ , Joanna.”

She went.

\---

“Jess?” Jo called softly, running her hand through her hair, padding slowly into the apartment. It smelled like baking, which made sense when she saw the batch of fresh bread on the counter, and winced. Jess only baked when she was really worried about something. This time, it was probably her, running out of the apartment like a madwoman this morning. “Jess, baby, are you here?”

“In the nursery,” the other woman called, softly, and she padded to the room at the end of the hall.

Jonathan was lying in the little cradle, suckling on his fingers as he slept, the fingers of his other hand curled around the arm of one of the bears they’d got for him, a battered brown bear named Winchester. Jess was sitting on the little toddler bed that Peter’s mother had given to them. It was useless to them at this stage, as Jonathan was far too small for it, but it had been put into the room and outfitted temporarily as a bench in order to plan for the future needs of the room.

“Hi,” Jo murmured, awkwardly, hugging herself with one arm.

“Hi.” Jess nodded, smiling faintly. “Wanna sit?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, and sat down on the cot beside her, leaning on her side, head resting on the taller woman’s shoulder. “I’m confused, Jess.”

“About what?” she asked softly, looping her arm around her waist. “It’s not about us, is it?”

“No… the only thing that makes sense now is you and Jonathan. And even then…” Jo sighed softly, pressing her forehead against the other woman’s shoulder. “My head hurts. My brain has been working on overtime, and I keep have those stupid… memories that aren’t memories, and… who is Mary Winchester, and why does she die the same way you do in my dreams?”

“Because she died that way in the 80s. 1983, I think. She was killed by a demon, a… a yellow eyed demon.”

“Mary Winchester. Like father Winchester,” she said softly.

“His wife,” Jess murmured. “The mother of his children. Sam and Dean.”

“I _knew_ it!” she bolted up, but let Jess tug her back, gently. “I _know_ that something is going on here, I know that everything I remember isn’t real…”

“I know.” She whispered.

“I _am_ dead, aren’t I? Those nightmares, where I get ripped apart by hell hounds, then my mother blows up the hardware store…” Jo’s eyes were watering, and she was trembling harder now. “That really happened. That’s the only thing I _do_ remember, isn’t it?!”

“You remember me,” Jess whispered. “All of that, in the hospital…”

“That hospital doesn’t exist!” she cried.

“Shh… shh… don’t wake the baby,” she held her fingers to Jo’s lips, softly, hands trembling. “I know it isn’t real. None of it is. But what has happened here… this is real. I really _do_ love you, Jo. Don’t you still love me?”

“Of course I do!” she gasped.

The other woman sighed a little, visibly relaxing. “Well… at least there’s that.”

“What’s really going on, Jess?” Jo murmured. “Are we all dead?”

“Yes… and no.”

“That tells me a lot,” she snorted.

Jess laughed softly, fussing with Jo’s hair, brushing it gently behind her ears. “We’re dead, yes. All of us. Everyone you see, every day. Ever wonder why everyone you see has a name? Try and focus on the people behind the counter, at a restaurant or something. They have no faces.”

“…we’re surrounded by people with no faces?!”

“No! I just… you can’t focus on them. They don’t… exist here. The only people we see are those who have died. Except…” Jess hesitated. “Except for Jonathan.”

“What does Jonathan mean, then, if he’s not dead?” Jo frowned.

“He was never born.” Jess smiled at her, slightly weakly, eyes threatening to spill over with tears. “I was killed, Jo. A long time ago. Because… it was part of the yellow eyed demon’s plan. He needed me to crush Sam Winchester, so I was his one true love… and then I died. And when I died… Jonathan died with me.”

“…you were pregnant?”

“S’why he rips our stomachs open.” She murmured. “He kills the children first.”

Jo closed her eyes, shaking.

“I’m sorry.” Jess’ voice broke. She was actually crying now. “Don’t you understand? Being here… being with you… I have a second chance. Jonathan made it. I’m not dead. There is love, and… we’re safe.”

“Mostly,” she murmured. “Ruby…”

“I killed Ruby, remember?” she laughed weakly, wiping at her eyes.

“She has a new body.”

The other woman straightened, eyes wide. “Fuck! That son of a bitch, I need to – “

“Look at me! It’s not important, Jess! Look at me, focus on me, you still need to tell me the rest of the story, okay?! Look. Jess. Why are we here?”

She hesitated.

“ _Jess_.” Jo cupped her jaw, fingers trembling on her jaw. “Why are we here? Why do I not remember this?”

\---

_Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you._

\---

“And here I thought you were going to be the good little girl, and stay the hell away from me.” Ruby drawled, setting a bottle of beer in front of Jo, then sat across from her at the little table. Jo had chosen this smoky little bar because it felt like home. Sitting in the back corner, they were mostly lost in the darkness, but still she could see enough of her attractive companion to consider that maybe she shouldn’t have come, after all.

“I am being good. All my clothes are on.”

Ruby snorted, taking a swig of her beer. “So they are. I’ll have to see if I can change that.”

“Shut up, Ruby. I want to talk to you.”

“Oh, just talk. How dull.” She drawled, sipping at her bottle. “And here I thought we were going to go on a hunt. Have some fun.”

“I don’t need your kind of fun anymore.” Jo snapped. “Hunts… demon blood…”

Ruby leaned forward. “You _like_ drinking that blood, baby. Don’t be stupid, I know that you do. It’s in your body, in your veins. Your body wants it.”

“No, you know, I don’t think it does.” She snapped. “What do you know, Ruby?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Don’t be a bitch about this.” Jo growled, knuckles white as she held her beer bottle. “I know we’re all dead. I know that we are not… really here. We are in some kind of limbo, and we are… I don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re here. Why are we dead?”

“We’re dead because of a man,” she shrugged, pursing her lips, considering her.

“A man.”

“Sam Winchester. Ring a bell?”

Jo shuddered, and closed her eyes. “Yes. I – I’ve started remembering things that _he_ did. But as if I did them. _He_ drank demon blood, didn’t he?”

She shrugged, sipping at her beer again.

“Jess said… she said we’re dead. But that we’re here because of guilt.”

“You’re dead cause of Sam Winchester. It’s his fault you died. That your mother died. Jess. Ava. His father, John. Everyone here is dead because of _him_. So we’re here.”

“Where is _here_?!” Jo leaned forward, teeth grit. She’d tested Jess’ theory earlier today, when she came into the bar. Sure enough, every person she saw along the way was hard to focus on. It wasn’t that they didn’t have faces and facial expressions, it was just that she couldn’t focus on any one of the faces long enough to actually _see_ them. “Where the hell is this?”

“We’re in his head,” she shrugged, as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.

“…what?”

“We’re in his head. He feels guilty, because he killed us, _basically_ , so he’s trying to make up for it. Making lives for us, where we can be normal happy people.” She laughed, bitterly. “Fuck. I’d rather _just_ be dead, than trapped in this fucked up little Barbie playhouse he’s made up for us.”

“Because he feels guilty?” she whispered.

“Mmm. And because this is his battlefield.”

“…battlefield?”

Leaning forward, Ruby drawled, “What do you remember about Sam Winchester?”

“He was my friend, what little I remember,” she murmured, frowning. “Though he – he was possessed once, and attacked me. But that wasn’t his fault, that was Meg.”

“Meg.” Ruby grinned. “You know, I always wondered about that. The yellow eyed demon kept siccing people on Sam, to keep an eye on him, right? You know who would have been the smartest one to do that?”

She frowned, confused. “I don’t…”

“What about his girlfriend?” she purred, smirking. “His little… possessed… girlfriend.”

“Jess is not a demon!” she bolted up, furious.

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck off, bitch.” She snapped, baring her teeth. “You leave Jess out of this.”     
  
[Part Eight](http://sparrowshellcat.dreamwidth.org/38745.html)

 

  



	8. sparrowshellcat | All Things Golden and Green - Part Eight

  
  


“Part of me thinks we’re the craziest women on the planet,” Jo murmured.

Jess laughed softly, leaning on the railing beside her, smiling as the soft night breeze ruffled through her hair, tangling blond curls into blond ringlets. “Yeah, but it’s going to be perfect.”

“Mmm. A perfect little wedding. A perfect little sort of illegal wedding, depending on what the state of Prop Eight is today.” Jo glanced up at her, smiling. “What were tomorrow’s predictions, did we know? It’s more unpredictable than the weather.”

She laughed, and bent to kiss Jo, softly. “I told you we could go to Kansas, it’s legal in Lawrence.”

“Naw… we need to stay here. Take care of Jonathan. Besides… this way Father Winchster can do the wedding.”

“He did it for Ava and Jake in Cold Oaks too,” Jess pointed out, tucking Jo’s hair behind her ears, trying to control the chaos that was her blond hair in the wind. It was just such a nice night, wind or no, looking out of the city from their little balcony.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to do anything extravagant. I just kind of wanted… you know. You. And me.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jess agreed softly, kissing Jo again, gently.

“Ready to get married tomorrow?” Jo murmured softly. Fingers tangled in her lover’s hair, she smiled up at her, softly. “You and me tangled up in a lifetime thing.”

“It’ll be great,” she agreed, smiling.

“Heh, part of me thinks we should be getting up to naughtiness tonight, to kick off the wedding, but then I remember that tomorrow is kind of the wedding night, and way I hear that, wedding nights are pretty awesome.”

She laughed softly, and kissed Jo softly. “I’ve heard the same thing.”

\---

“What am I doing here?”

Ruby smirked, leaning on the bar beside the tall barstool that Jo was sitting on. “I dunno… funny, isn’t it? You swear off of me, yet here you are, at my beck and call. It’d almost be romantic… If you hadn’t married another woman three days ago.”

“Shut up, and leave Jess out of this.”

“Fine, fine…” she drawled. “Jess is off the table. I have enough dirt on Sam Winchester enough to talk about this already… what else do you remember about Sam?”

“I don’t…”

“Hear me out, sweetpea.” Ruby drawled, smirking. “What happened when you died, Jo? What happened then? What was going on that night?”

“We were hunting… there were hell hounds… Croatoan? No, that was a different time. It was – we were trying to keep Sam free of Lucifer. _Lucifer_ was going to possess him, he was going to end the world… apocalypse.”

“And you, and your mother, and Castiel, and Sam, and Dean, and Bobby…” Ruby drawled. “You all got really drunk, and went out for the last battle of your night, and you were killed, and your mother was killed, and Sam Winchester got away scot free. Do you want to know what happens next, little girl?”

“No.” she whispered, feeling cold.

“I’ll tell you anyway,” she drawled, smirking slightly. “Step by step, Sam got closer to his fate, and they met him. And Lucifer offered a duel. A one on one, fair fight in Sam’s mind. He made himself a deal with the devil, and here we are. Sam, waging one on one war with the lord of Hell for supremacy of his ridiculously sasquatchy body.”

“We’re in Sam’s mind?”

“We’re in Sam’s mind,” Ruby confirmed, grinning. “He’s hiding in here. Making this happy little world to hide in while the battle between him and the devil rage on about us.”

“Where is Sam hiding?” Jo murmured.

“If you need to ask that, Jo… darling… you already know.” The demon smirked, looking downright predatory. “Weren’t you the one remembering things that didn’t happen?”

“I am not Sam.” She said sharply.

“I know you’re not. You’re Jo Harvelle. But someone might just be hiding in the back of your brain…”

“ _No_.”

“Sure, if that’s what you want to believe.” Ruby drank the last of her beer bottle, and set the empty bottle on the table. “But for a woman who claims to not be Sam Winchester, your life sure seems to mirror his, hm? Engaged to the woman he was going to ask to marry him, raising his son. Calling John Winchester ‘father’. Hunting with the knife he carried for months. Wearing his brother’s ring as an engagement ring.”

Jo’s eyes flicked to her own left hand.

“Drinking demon blood. Sleeping with both incarnations of the demon who pulled him into it all in the first place,” Ruby grinned, licking her lips.

“I’m not – “ Jo stopped, and swallowed before saying, gently, “How do they win?”

“The moment the illusion comes fully crashing down… Lucifer wins.” Ruby smirked. “You’re still Sam, deep inside, Jo baby. You asked the questions in the first place. You started this.”

Slumping back in her seat, Jo sighed softly, rubbing at her eyes. “Fuck.”

“Well, there is that.” Ruby smirked. “So now you know, Jo-girl. Now you know exactly what’s going on, you know why I’m here, why you’re here… you know it all. And surely, Jo, you know how the battle will end.”

“The Winchesters will save the world,” she said, quickly.

“Sure they will. I betcha you really believe that,” Ruby smirked, crossing her arms. “After you died because of them…”

“Shut up,” she murmured.

“But hell… why are you here with me? Shouldn’t you be at home with your wifey and your son?” Ruby smirked. “After all, isn’t it the baby boy’s six month birthday today? And don’t… funny things… happen to women that Sam Winchester loves on anniversaries like this?”

Jo paled, and bolted from the chair.

“Mm. thought so.”

\---

“Jess!”

Jo was panting, heart pounding, lungs burning. Bolting into the apartment, she looked around, frantically, but the apartment seemed quiet, still.

Closing the door, carefully, behind her, Jo looked around, frowning. “Jess?”

There was no response.

Heading to the nursery, hoping that she would be sitting on the cot like last time, Jo kept calling for her, but upon entering the room, her girlfriend was not there. Jonathan was, curled in the cradle, and he giggled as he looked up at her.

“Hey, baby boy,” she murmured, leaning over the edge of the cradle to wiggle her fingers at him.

Jonathan laughed, making some little sing song sounds, and latched onto her fingers. She relaxed as she watched the little one, relieved. Ruby was wrong. Maybe she’d lied about more of it than she thought she had. “It’s okay, little boy,” she murmured, relieved. “Now where’s your mama hiding?”

He blinked up at her, his laughter stopping as he considered her.

“C’mon, Jonathan,” she crooned. “Where’s Jess.”

With the hand not clinging to hers, he reached up towards the sky, chubby baby fingers grasping at the air as though trying to reach something. Laughing softly, she looked up to see what it was, then froze, knees weak as she stumbled, almost dropping to the ground.

“ _No_!”

Jess was pinned against the ceiling, hair spread out around her like a fan. There was no blood, no reason for her to be there, but Jo knew –

“Jo…” Jess whispered.

Then the flames erupted behind her.

“ _No, goddamn it, no_!” Jo screamed, as though ripped open with physical agony, desperately reaching up, trying to get to the other woman. “ _No_ , come back, _please_ , oh _god_ no!”

Jonathan was screaming in terror beside her, and the woman she loved was engulfed in seconds.

Somewhere a fire alarm had started, but Jo slumped to her knees, shaking, gaping up at the inferno raging above her, cold and helpless. She had failed. Again. It was over.

\---

Dean watched his brother with terrifying hope, desperate, hoping beyond all hope that it would be his brother that won. He didn’t want to build up false hopes, but they’d done more ridiculous things before, they’d beaten bigger odds… Sam was always telling him that he was stronger than Dean believed, maybe he _could_ do it…

The barrier was open, Sam could get right in…

“Oh, god! You got to go now! Come on! Go now, Sammy. Now!”

Sam’s eyes snapped open, and he smirked. “I was just messing with you. Sammy's long gone.”

\---

The streets were empty.

After all, the war was over. Sam’s body was Lucifer’s now. His mind was now a prison for the man the body belonged to while the Prince of Lies walked about in his skin. There was no point in keeping the place populated.

Jo stumbled down the street, sooty and slightly burnt, walking like a zombie might, or a shell shocked man walking away from battle. Limping slightly, she staggered towards the Palo Alto bridge she had once had a revelation on, as though hoping to have another.

“Jo?”

Quietly, she looked up, not terribly surprised to see Sam Winchester himself standing on the bridge, blinking at her.

“Hello Sam.” She murmured, dully.

“You’re here, I – I thought that was a dream.” He said, sagging against the bridge structure. “I – it happened, didn’t it? All of it. It all happened.”

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“…this is my mind?” Sam murmured, looking around. “It looks empty.”

“You lost, Sam.” Jo met his eyes. “They’re all dead. Again. Or they were never alive to begin with. None of it happened, Sam, you _lost_ , and… it’s over. There’s only one thing left.”

Sam frowned. “And what is that?”

“Michael will take him into hell. After that… you and I are going to bust out of there. Understood?”

The man laughed weakly. “How the hell do we do that?”

“Because Lucifer doesn’t know I’m still here.” She smiled faintly, stepping closer to Sam, and shifted her arms, pulling back the edge of the soot covered blanket to reveal the wide eyed baby boy in her arms, sucking on his finger.

“Is that - ?!”

“Yes. And Lucifer doesn’t know about our Jonathan.”

 

  



End file.
